The final "Don't be a drag just be a queen"

Last week I watched my niece and nephew (5 mo. and 2 yrs) along with my three kids. It was just after i got the two year old off the counter, right about the time the 5 month old was screaming his face off (as Elyott made him a bottle and i changed his bum) i turned to find the 2 year old flipping dirt out from my (only surviving) potted cactus...with diarrhea spilling out her diaper...holding a knife! I couldn't help but laugh at how ridiculous the threshold of looking after little ones can be. It happens to the best of us. Just when you think a moment with children is totally out of control, without fail, the universe will play the diaper explosion or emergency room card (or both). NOT awesome.


But then, when all is calm, the clouds part and the angels are singing. And you did it! You have poop on your foot...but you're ALIVE! and so are the children!!


So now is where you ask: "Why the crap would i sign up for something so insane that i'd give my right arm for one moment of reprieve?...I'll keep my awesome life I have now, thank you very much!"

But here's the kicker: Truly the things in life we work the hardest for are always what we value most...and to me, being a mom is the most tiring thing i will ever endure! Good and bad, nothing feels more divinely intended as motherhood does (even if it feels like a sick joke at times). It rocks your world, it gives life richness, it scares you, it cracks you up (sometimes cause it's funny and other times cause it's nuts), it satisfies way down to your bones, it scrambles your brain, it makes a mockery of your hygienic standards, it fills your heart like nothing else can, it is the best gift i can ever imagine.

(also by a couple months in you'll probably get used to all the poop and throw up ;)

Throughout my 8 years of motherhood I have discovered both the best and the worst facets of "myself." I, like most of us, fall somewhere in the middle of two extremes: "the mom who lives to be one" and the "ones who should be manditorally sterilized". However trite, it does go by fast...but I take comfort in the fact that somehow I feel like I've had my kids forever (like my arm or my eyeballs) They are the part of me that I will forever (no matter what) be unabashedly proud of, unconditionally invested in and totally in love with. 


Often times we hit rough patches. We all do. Sometimes those "patches" feel more like never ending roads that frigging suck, and that motherhood is to blame. Please remember: depression/anxiety does not discriminate. You just happen to be a mom. Life in general gets more complex and more difficult to manage the deeper we climb into adulthood. If you aren't digging being a mom at this hugely transitional point in your life, big deal. If i've said it once I've said it a million times: kids are turds. But they can be lovely and endearing company too (like funny/innocent adults...with way shorter arms. who don't wipe very good.)

And please for the love of emotional eaters all over the world, let's all stop comparing ourselves to this mothering standard! With our negative inner dialogue, she often rears her ugly (but really stylish and smiley) head as we scour the blog world. It is a self imposed and complete fictional character. You have strengths that will carve out your own mothering niche. First be totally honest with yourself, then cut yourself a little more slack! Motherhood has so many variables, so there really is no magic formula that will ever prepare you for it. Making goals gives you direction, but clear your mind of expectation. Just like the rest of life, it rarely goes as planned.

I have had so much fun in this Project Boo: Don't be a Drag, Just be a Queen series. It is overwhelming to think of how many of you out there that i truly admire for your positive mothering energy, and could have written something equally as inspiring as Renee, Abby, Stacie, Cara or Kelly. SO MANY! This series literally could go on forever! (but then i fear most of you would eventually want to scratch your patronized eyes out) Thanks to these awesome blog friends of mine for being my internet "trophy wives," if you will. As for the rest of you...I'll hit you up for my next "Project Boo" ;)


In conclusion: Be a mom! or don't. At least let a mother in your life know how much you appreciate their efforts. It's the small things we accept as payment. And if you're a mom now (or even if you're not) just in case no one has told you yet today....you rock ;)

team Boo ♥'s you
(and thanks Kelli for your sweet invitation to share my thoughts with your friends)

don't be a drag, just be a queen

"Queen" #1....yours truly.

A few years ago, while touring a local farm, an amazing phenomenon was brought to my attention. The farmer had the guests note the energy level as we passed the area where all the roosters were kept. It seemed to be just like anyone would expect: a bunch of roosters, heads held high, parading around with an occasional "cock a doodle do" and flutter of flightless wings. As we made our way down the dirt road, the farmer then asked the group to observe the difference in the up coming chicken coop, where all the females were kept separate from the roosters but otherwise together. What we found there was both surprising and magnificent. Unlike the rooster coop, the noise level here tripled as the chickens gabbed with a steady buzz of "clucks" and "be-cocks" of what I imagine were stories of egg sizes, jerky rooster encounters, feather styles and how much feed they had consumed that morning. It was enlightening. As women it is our nature to discuss, exchange stories, to learn from and support one another. From chickens to humans (and most likely every mammal in between) we are here for each other through the good, bad and the ugly.

I often think of this story somewhat sheepishly (but mostly fondly) when I am blogging or with friends and have to laugh at how truly I fit into this female propensity to share. And it is in this season of my life that motherhood is one of the most rewarding things to advocate. Before Mothers day draws too near and we all start to gag at the droves of mother appreciation posts (cause lets be real, it's not all rainbows and smiles, nor are we all mothers) Over the next couple weeks I'd like to give a few blogging mothers I admire most the chance here at team boo to dispense their remarkable perspectives in our newest Project Boo: "Don't be a Drag, Just be a Queen". 

But first, since I am in charge around here, I will give you a little piece of my mind (okay it's a pretty big piece)... 

Part 1: Cluck Cluck

One of my main goals for my blog is to show how ridiculously amusing parenthood is and how much, despite its often bad rap, being a mother can rock. A while back this lovely blogger (more on her later) posted this article:

My reaction (besides a zigzagged triple finger snap) was this: The thing I've found since becoming a mother is that my perspective has changed. To be frank, I really don't care if someone thinks I talk about stupid things. Or if they scoff at my everyday attire (that i rock by the way ;) Or if they are sick of me saying "nappy" or "boo boo". Or if they are offended that i don't call them enough or have dried boogers on my walls. And it's not about being insensitive, it's just about really not having the capacity to bother worrying about it. For those of you scared to take the plunge into what seems like a life sentence of mediocrity, I'd love to profess: I still do everything I did before! (just not as often) plus I have found new things that I might have never tried without my life taking the course it has...

Instead of having the ridiculous mind consuming ability to go on a crash 1200 calorie diet, I now run marathons to lose baby weight (this way I feel strong and capable rather than one irritation short of biting the head off a bat). We host backyard bonfires with friends instead of frequenting restaurants. I still get dressed up once a week, and laugh at the three more sets of eyeballs amazed at how well I "clean up". My husband and I still fancy ourselves a good make out...and also have realized that sometimes it's just as satisfying to watch Forensic Files while playing footsies under the covers (my words, not his :) I go shopping, just a lot more online (which is better anyway). Yes, I carpool, but we rock out to Metric, and dance with the breaks at stop lights on our way home. We "sleep in" with the help of pre-poured bowls of cereal and the magic of PBS cartoons. We take more pictures. Instead of a theater, we all watch movies together in a king sized bed. Instead of the eyesore of a nearby power plant my kids believe it to be the "cloud factory" (and we check it almost every day for the "forecast" :)

You just adapt. And that way you aren't missing out, cause you have added SO much dimension to your life. In fact, I find so much joy and fun in being their mother. They are hilarious and interesting and loving and fantastic. I keep lighthearted about as much as I can, that way instead of feeling burdened by so much responsibility...we have fun at how absurd things can get along the way. Don't be scared, just treat it like an adventure. You won't loose yourself if you accept that "yourself" is always changing anyway :)

*if you aren't bored to tears, go check out more of my mothering thoughts over at this cute blog.

team Boo ♥'s you


**Attention team boo enthusiasts**
re-blog this post and tell me about it right here! Through a series 3 (ish) featured posts (this being the second) over the next two weeks you will have a chance to win a very exclusive (but still very secret) custom team boo gift! No it won't be made by me...pshew!! but it will be adorable!

what's in an age?

I peed my pants well into my 20's. As a kid, my sisters would hold me down and make me laugh until i peed (it didn't take much). Once, when i was pregnant with Elyott, I had to change my pants 7 times during one particularly hilarious game night. SEVEN times. I was 19. I thought it's what every little giggly girl did, until I grew up and very few of my friends could relate to my pants wetting confession. It isn't my most proud feature, but there it is (for the record i haven't in like 5 years ;)

My daughter Elyott can relate to this. like 100%. 


And it is ultra disgusting when i go to check if her clothes are clean or dirty and i (without fail) take WAY too big of a whiff (when just a little sniff would've sufficed)...and then my face melts off. And then i think, "uhhh! when is she gonna grow out of this!?" and then the little cricket that lives in my clock reminds me of my first sentence of this blog post (damn.) 

Then sometimes I stress about Elyott seeming "so big" already at the ripe age old age of 8. Like how most of her conversations have a varied but certain degree of precociousness (i'm sure every mother kinds feels this way about their kid) but more specifically lacking that awesome preschool aged janky vocabulary set. Most of the time she is usually pretty spot on when she is figuring something out, and I start to long for the days when she said and did really awesome and ridiculous things like: pulled her halter top shirts down below her nipples cause she thought it looked "fancy" or sang the lyrics "popcorn popping on the 'rake-a-dot' tree!" (instead of "apricot") or when she was a baby and we'd say "i love you" and she'd say a very efficient "too"...OR when she laid her clothes out for school to look like this.

At what point are we "matured"? Does it happen over night? Is it a certain age? What qualifies as being grown up? Does it even matter? 

A few nights ago, while talking with Elyott in her bed (this is the time of day when my kids often get very big picture-y and sentimental, sometimes to the point of weepiness ...Sheamus: "when i go to college will you come with me?" or the classic "mom I don't want you to get white hair cause then you'll die!") She asked me this adorable question:

Elyott: "Mom, if God loves us so much and wants us to be safe, then why did he create Lions?"

Me being the over explainer that i am, gave her some very logical answer (plus, for as long as i can remember, those are the only ones she will accept anyway. Sometimes we call her "logical Mcgee"...clever, i know.) But inside, i melted at the adorable youth she still maintains, cause seriously that is the cutest question for such a thoughtful little girl.

Those who know us could observe that in some ways she might be more mature than me...or if nothing else my equal ("if peeing your pants is cool, consider us miles davis") But the innocence and sweet intent of her heart is pure...just like a kid's should be. And that is something I hope I always strive to "regress" to. Screw growing up! Let's all be little!!

(but maybe minus the peeing your pants part ;)

 A very happy belated birthday post to you my sweet girl! You are just the right age for me :) (also...what kind of a jerk mom tells the world that you pee your pants? this one.)

team Boo ♥'s you

Stop and smell the asphalt.

I "got ready" like 5 separate times this week and this is the only lame picture i have to show for it!?

My blog muscles are a bit flabby these days (come to think of it...most of my muscles are a bit flabby these days) Take a week off and all of the sudden its like i'm trying to translate my thoughts into spanish (My name is Carolyn. I am a mother that likes the jokes. Do you know where the library is?) We have had a lot of family around and it just didn't seem right to choose the cold embrace of my computer screen over those capable of two way conversation and...heartbeats. 

I have been up to my scrappy old self. Cutting down dead plants with inappropriate garage tools and getting in arguments with vietnamese men at the nail salon by day, then wearing red lipstick and watching 3D tweenie movies by night (this description explains a random weekend of mine...or that of an underage stripper, your choice.) 


Really though this weekend was a lot of fun. So even though i cooked for like 50+ mouths and I washed every dish in my house at least 5 times, it did rain. IT RAINED! And when you live in Arizona, you get to stop whatever you're used to doing and watch it, for as long as you want. It's like Disneyland when it rains here. Everyone is happy and nice, birds chirp and also Churros have no calories. It's magical.

team Boo ♥'s you

better to be haaated than love love loved for what you're not.

"team Boo: the most interesting blog you've read...since the one you just came from." -myself

When i was a freshman in college, I was certain that the only alternative to my homebody lifestyle was one of two things:

a) playing airport hide and seek, cupcake bingo or something equally as dorky at church institute. 


or

b) getting plastered. 


I had a lab partner that all but slipped me a roofie to get me to go to the black and white "ball" for his douche fraternity. After weeks of pleading, finally through my clenched jaw, i agreed (sure it was to be a mistake). It wasn't a mistake...it was a di-saster. First, he told me that all the girls had to wear white. WHITE! the cardinal sin of dress colors as far as i'm concerned. The only thing that my recent 40 pound weight gain looked forward to more was getting family pictures taken or dripping bacon grease on the front of my shirt (or anything else that drew attention to myself). I got the next best thing...a passenger seat full of teriyaki sauce on my big. white. butt. To add insult to injury, every girl there was wearing...you guessed it, black (the night was off to an inevitable start). The 15 minutes before the "party bus" arrived was tolerable (with my date's cheesy v neck sweater tied around my waist, of course). But then the conversations got confusing and, at last, i was abandoned in an insufferable bubble of sobriety. Pretty soon after that, my date ditched me and later got thrown out of the club for underage drinking or something (duh!) I did my best for the next 4 hours to find the least intoxicated person in the dark. i never did. Blah blah blah, drunk screaming, throw up, lots of unreciprocated conversations and me = the biggest sucker of Arizona State University. the end. "NEVER AGAIN!" i cried out (*fists clenched to the sky*). 


And then i set that white dress on fire.

Needless to say, these social nightmares only validated my choice to continue being a hermit (safe from vomit or humiliating disappointment). So, i spent Friday nights watching movies like Secret of Nimh and overdosing on Krispy Kremes (hence the 40 pound weight gain). It's is through divine intervention alone that I ended up marrying Adam, and came out of my nerd coma. Luckily he lived in another city at the time, and therefore couldn't smell my pathetic cartoon watching shame.

What is the point of this story, you ask? (besides a glimpse into the unflattering stage i set for my adult life and a way for my children to solidify my un-coolness with stories of my youth). It is clarification (mostly to myself) that even if i am a misfit in the blog world, I am the "leading lady in my own life!" (i swiped that from The Holiday starring the elegant Kate Winslet). But hermit or not, I have changed a little since college (but nothing worth calling the Rickie Lake Show about...ie."i used to be fat, but now i'm all that!") Though still scrappy, I'm a bit more ambitious, much more self assured and have discovered my creative side (not to mention completely traumatized by Krispy Kremes). And lucky for you, now I blog about it :) So unless you're searching for the lastest DIYs or pretty picture of a teacup in a windowsill(?), i'll be here...posting things that i think are worth remembering/being the best blogger everrrr! ;)

...and probably eating nachos or something.

team Boo ♥'s you

slow motion.

Sometimes the best medicine, for this busy season, is to dig in my heels and force myself to slow down for a minute. Last night I slowed down with Sonny. We played "bang the pan" "robot mom" and "rip out mom's hair."

It was perfect :)

team Boo ♥'s you

t when tea ate.

{by Lang Photographers}

Unfortunately for you, in this picture my thighs got their immodest birthday wish. Takes every girl back to when they got their first pair of spanx (*sigh*). I promise this is the most you'll ever have to see of them. And even though this pic is almost crotchtacular, i am going to post it anyway because i want to remember those sparkly legs when I'm old and fat. happy birthday to me.

team Boo ♥'s you

(I know you've gotten snippets of the Dikefest 2010 photo shoot, but now its been so long that the build up is getting stupid and you'll be like "whats the big deal? its just your same old stupid face." The hold up is that I am making a christmas book for my parents with them, but maybe i'll just show you now anyway??)

robo hair flip

Geoff made me do it.

I was like the tin man...and head twirling was my "oil can".

p.s. this dress is a vintage find (by my sister). 

sorry charlies.

team Boo ♥'s you

Grow up and blow away

Elyott: "mom, what was your name when you were little?"


Me: "i always used to wish it was 'Sally' but it was 'Carolyn' just like it is now"


Elyott: (giggling in disbelief) "mom! That's a grown ups name!!"


Me: "well if you want to get technical, it's more like a 55 year old lady bus driver's name."


Elyott: (completely ignoring how right i was) "I wonder what my name will be when I grow up..."

team Boo ♥'s you 

vacation lobotomy.

In theory, I am organized.

On paper, I am responsible.

In my head, I am efficient.

In my dreams, I am a rock star in sequin leggings.

But here i am, so discombobulated it's ridiculous.

In Mexico...we ate nachos until we started to sweat liquid cheese. We bronzed our bodies (only I freckled mine even despite my OCD like sunscreen reapplication) i watched a pack of dogs invade the beach mere minutes after i left it = severe panic attack avoided (friggin' mexico) We floated down lazy rivers and slid down water slides, and only once did a kid tell me (as my inner tube began to capsize under my nacho engorged body) "lady, you're so big for this." We had fun making family MEMORIES for heavens sakes!! 

And now i am in my usual home-from-vacation coma. Is vacation worth the inevitable tilting off my axis? (...that's what she said?) My baby can't poop and woke me up at 4 this morning to scream in my face about it (vacation poo syndrome knows no boundaries), my fridge is empty, my house is crazy, i have a halloween party and baby shower to plan in like five seconds and i am desperately craving a run. Heeeeelppppmeeeeee.

(woe is the poor housewife back from her week long trip...Yes, you can punch me in the face now) So, are vacations refreshing, or just a new layer to my crazy? I can't decide. 

I think I'll play hookie today.

team Boo ♥'s you

ask boo: holy crap this the longest post known to man!

{via windsor for the derby}

When did you realize you needed to take anxiety medicine? I took anti-depressants a couple of years ago, but sometimes i get panic attacks, or really overwhelmed. How long have you been on them?

Good question. I've actually been meaning to get to this subject for some time now, but it's just so much more fun to talk about funny stuff than heavy stuff :)

So: after my first baby, I was down. Like a big fat downer. I didn't really know it at the time. I recovered, but never fully. Then I had another baby, I felt euphoric, and then a few months later: crash. Again not really putting two and two together. A couple years went by with me fading in and out of these feelings, all the while I lacked the coping skills to prevent a slowly compounding issue. Finally, over 4 years, I found myself in the midst of a foggy depression with a death grip on the light in my heart, but this time I couldn't get out. I began to doubt my core beliefs....everyone was annoying and self righteous. For me it wasn't about feeling sad but rather: irritable, insecure, severely unfocused, intolerant, impatient, defeated, reclusive, anxious about everything under the sun, unmotivated, overwhelmed, libido shot, guilt ridden, dissatisfied, inconsolable, self loathing, and a downright bummer to live with. I was truly Zombie-riffic.

Now before you write me off as the crabbiest most extreme case of all time that you can't relate to, know that I didn't necessarily feel all these things all the time or all at once, but they were a prominent theme in many of my days. I didn't want to be perceived as dramatic or needy, so almost none of my friends or family knew i was hiding this secret....i must have been a good faker ;) But behind closed doors, I'd have major breakdowns about once a week (at the peak of it), and I fantasized about being put into a coma to skip the "hard" parts of my life. I wanted to run through the wall, leaving a Carolyn shaped hole, and keep running...only i had no where to go, and no desires to be anywhere for that matter. Strangely, i couldn't even put my finger on what or why i felt this way. Sure, times were stressful financially (but whats new? plenty of people enjoy life with much less) I wanted to be a mother (always have) my husband was adoring and supportive (still is), so what the "H" was my deal?? My husband was confused and didn't know how to help. I didn't know how to help myself...
{click "TELL ME MORE " below to read the full article}

ask boo: run for it

A few posts back, i promised you guys I'd answer some of your teamBoo questions that have undoubtedly been keeping you up at night. So here is the first of a series of "ask boo" posts that will probably blow your mind!...or put you to sleep.

(which could be good too...cause that's what you need right? sleep?...the questions...they've been keeping you up...remember?? gosh.)
here we go!

Regarding the running...are you training for a marathon or something? Have you ever run a marathon?

I have! two actually. They were crazy hard but awesome and strangely make me want to run more of them. The crappy parts are the long runs even if you go out of town, and the 5 day a week training. I felt like i lived at the gym. So while i do recommend a marathon, a half is much more conducive to having a life. 

Yes, unfortunately almost all my running is done on a treadmill since i can't fathom running inside an OVEN (Phoenix). Also i am a big scaredy cat when it comes to running alone outside, no matter what time of day it is. I'm SO jumpy if some perv honks, and I assume there is a rapist behind every bush. The key for me is to go with a number in mind: "today i am running 6 miles" then if i feel good i'll run more, if not, i stop at my goal number (although I never push through an injury). If i go just expecting to stop when i feel tired, i would in the first two or three miles every time (since that is about how long it takes for me to find a "rhythm") A lot of people say treadmills are boring. My gym has like 17 tv's in front of my face and i have music. Also i figure i am stuck with the same thoughts as i'd be if i were anywhere else, so i've adapted.

You'd have to talk to my hand if you tried to say you could never be a runner. I used to HATE it. Many people can't imagine being capable of running anything beyond a mile, but i assure you: you can (yes, you too Kami ;) Baby steps folks. The burning in your lungs and the side cramps go away after a couple weeks. I've seen people prove themselves wrong many times. I can tell you there is no time i feel more empowered and strong than when i have a good run (super cheese, i know). I crave it now. I think it's a great way to appreciate the amazing body you've been given. If you lived by me, i'd make you come with, and run your face off. 

I am not currently training, but am currently trying to get rid of about 15 lbs of baby weight. So i run a lot. The problem is...i eat a lot too :) 

team boo ♥'s you

Stay tuned for more of your "ask boo" questions.
(Boy, do i sound self absorbed right now or what?..."look at me i'm so interesting!!"

nine lives.

(okay just nine of my faces. nine lives just sounded cooler)

Yesterday I got ready for church with the help of Reagan from Hairdresser on Fire tutorial. She's cute and so very charming. I can use a little charm in my life. (although my bangs look a little '90's here, they were supposed to look old fashioned, whatevs.) So while i nursed sonny in the mothers lounge (does your church have that? they are the best. that way you can nourish your baby and skip the boring parts, guilt free ;) anyway, i took these pictures with my new incredibooth app.  Three posts in a row with pictures of me? See how much i love myself now?!? (that was a joke. i just got ready. for once.) now i'm all up in your business. suck it self consciousness.

So how about a little weekly high/low to keep ourselves in check?

Today i literally licked my taco plate clean. tongue to plastic. In my defense it had yummy homemade salsa on it and I had just run 6 miles. but still, I think we can easily count that as this weeks low. you think?

This weeks high point? why thanks for asking...sunday breakfast dinner when i was so hillarious that Elyott peed laughing. (actually i'm not really that funny. she pees all the time. it was still awesome though.)

team boo ♥'s you

team foo.

what is special to me about this photo is that 

...it is my very last with the cutoffs .  

we had a long run.

 and i mean long.

and what you can't see here is my very exposed left butt cheek. 

somehow the fact that i was wearing a bathing suit underneath is what made it seem okay

...why is that anyway?

So even though i am happy in this picture

my legs will never be the same.

(R.I.P. never-nudes)

yay independence!

{via www.mintdesignblog.com}

oh the irony!

...My sister came over today and I was telling her about sweetest comments i've received since Taza linked me on her blog last night.   We quickly got to laughing about just how wildly scummy i look today..."if they could only see you now!" she teased.

i gotta say...i was a little shy and ashamed at the fact that as i scoured over your words, not only was my armpit hair poking into my upper arm, but i didn't even have a bra on my body until like 1:30! {breaking a sad and simple new years goal}  But I had been captivated in blogging la la land when it hit me...i haven't even showered.. for like, three days!!

My life is so realistically unglamorous. A point that is solidified by the fact that as i type this, i've just learned that my son just majorly pooped his pants. no joke. My husband has summoned my help, and by "help" he will surely mean "can you do this instead of me please so i don't DRY HEAVE my face off?" {since moms have stomachs of steel you know}

i was right.

Just like that....a reality check that got me to finally shower! "Oh Universe! (lightly punching its imaginary shoulder)...you got me. AGAIN!" {but perhaps a more subtle hint next time}

Anyway the best part is all of the adorable blogs i've found, like this one ...and this one ! I am amazed at all the kind words and talent of those who said hello {thank you!!}, and i've spent the better part of the day responding to as many of you as i can. However, in the interest of full disclosure, i feel its only fair to confess: I am lame sometimes. As women, we tend to torture ourselves with comparisons {myself included} so i want to admit: as much as i love the beautiful romantic things i find through blogging, sometimes my cynical side wants to figuratively blow myself to the moon if i see one more blog post about dandelions or "potty training success!" {crap...am i'm bitter?? from this, this ..or perhaps this ?} k wait, i guess i do it too ;)

Either way...you all are the biggity-best.

{art by Elyott}

heres to keeping it real!