dirty deeds act one: demolition

When i was little we had a "playhouse" in our side yard. It was a bare bones shed with no drywall or insulation that housed our barbie "mansion" (old changing table) and all other dolls too ugly to be in the house (more Detroit than Malibu Barbie). One day i decided to make a change. With my eight year old resources, i set to work...

Crayons.

That was my genius plan. I started before i thought it through (of course) and i finished the diagonal purple and green stripes (a color scheme that my even my young mind realized were similar to the "Joker" colors and hated immediately) on about 1/10th of the wall before i quit. It stayed that way until the day we moved 4 years later.

On Monday when i asked Adam when we could start on the basement renovations he said "in the next few weeks." Does he even know me at all?? Once he left for school I went downstairs to assess the situation. About 10 minutes later i was knocking out walls with a hack saw and my bare feet. But not before i handed Elyott my cell phone to call 911 just incase i electrocuted myself (the "genius" element of my grownup story. nice mother.) Sheamus jumped around my reckless abandon shouting awesome one liners like: "mom! i am SO impressed!" and "wow, you are wild!" or my fave "you are such a good PERSON!!" (I love when kids lack the vocabulary to express themselves like a regular boring adult...or "humans" as Sheamus would call them.)

Anyway my point is, what turned out as a totally impulsive remodel, unlike my failed childhood attempts...I finished! And by "remodel" i mean the smashing of things like a crazy person, and by "finished" i mean there aren't any half standing walls or rusty nails left on the playroom floor. My bruised heels are proof that ain't no contest loss that can take this odd jobs down. 

Total butch-style demolition: check.

team Boo ♥'s you

yes i love technology, but not as much as you you see, but still i love technology

Holy smokes guys...this is me finally giving into the talking pig head that is my blog. Who knows, maybe you appreciated the break from my corny jokes...but still, it wasn't nice of me to peace out so long. 


But i can't come back with nothing to show for my hiatus. And what better re-entry into your lives than a dancing clone trooper?? (inspired by adams recent discovery of it's ability to gracefully point it's toes):

Speaking of wasting time on my computer...here is the bonus part you are allowed to read only if you promise to do so alternating my imaginary voice with Gollum's voice while looking into a handheld mirror....


I've been torn. I've been thinking a lot about my life with (and without) the internet, and its role in my ADD (functional retardation?). I often feel it tricks me into making a thousand lists of images and articles that i can apply to my life, but then takes all my spare time to actually apply any of them. I am a terrible planner. TERRIBLE. Technology makes becoming a more focused person problematic as every idea can be explored the second it pops into my head. And for a creative person, well...that's like an informal sentence to looney bin. I suppose in the end it does more good inspiring me than it does fogging my mind, for it's truly a wealth of resource. I just need to dunk my head into a cold bucket of water and get ahold of my priorities. Then, and only then, will I be able to make dancing action figures without distraction. Baby steps to recovery. 


I am teamBoo...and i am a pretend project-aholic.

team Boo ♥'s you

lets hear it for the boy.

Is it just me, or is everyone having girls??

It seems there are so many sweet little dresses and dollies online meant to inspire

but what about the boys!

 Over at this cute little site they are putting all things little boy at the top of their to do list...

look at these little pants!!

I must make some.

join me :)

or these little shirts .
So nerdy that they're cute.

team boo ♥'s you

never mind the metal chairs...

Here is my latest form of life sucking force:

Christmas party #2

(the first for 30 guests, the second for about 250)

but good news....no contractions!!

I really think a lot more could have been done for bigger impact, but I had a Metric concert to catch, and that stuck a middle finger to any further embellishments.

(Bethlehem had snow and enormous orange basketball hoops...no??)

In the end, I showered, rubberbanded the fly of my blue skinny jeans and stuffed my face with ham before a night with Emily Haines and some mild heart burn.

And at this point in pregnancy, you can't really ask for much more than that.

It's all down hill from here donkeys!!!

team boo ♥'s you

my wig bangs are for balance.

so here i am

 in all of my soft focus glory.

(my husband's finger always gravitates over the flash...

editing in exposure helps me be more dreamy....and visible)

I'm almost 4 months along, going on 7.

some things you can't tell from this picture are:

how my boobs are actually still quite bigger than my belly

my kids are running around like rabies infested dogs

my house is a total disaster

I am uncharacteristically ready for a date night a half hour early 

...trying to catch a moments peace in our "worthless room" 

{every house has one}

Nothing was gonna get in the way of this pregnant girl's night of tacos and creme brulee.

And now friends, I am signing off for a bit. 

Taking a little computer break to catch up on the things I've been missing out on in real life.

like talking to friends in-person, riding bikes with my loves....and having a fridge that doesn't smell like death.

Go enjoy your families!!

{sing some songs together...}

selling my soul.

{via james joyce}

Over at MommyWantsVodka, Aunt Becky posed the question "WHY DO YOU BLOG?" which apparently was the lamest "hot topic" of a blogging convention she attended (there are actual blogging conventions??). Lame yes, but i am still going to answer it right here for you, because i often wonder this myself (pretend like you care)...

-i blog in an attempt to phase real human interaction out of my life all together. I think with this pregnancy i am almost there... ;)

-it is the only way i can "talk" to people while wearing a maternity tube top dress (without a bra) and still maintain some dignity.

-its a creative outlet to drop the random things in my head (what other forum could i post a picture of pants with a sewn in fart? )

-it just so happens we meet some amazing people along the way. If we are lucky, we can win some free crap and have people stroke our wounded mommy egos. Like a win....and then more winning!

-its a safe place to post your amateur photography....and exploit your amateur parenting skills.

-we can remember the things we love about our kids, without making those gaudy scrapbooks with a whole pages devoted to worthless stuff like.....the first time they went on a mechanical horse outside of Walmart.

-we can trick people into thinking we are photogenic...when really, we have hormonal pregnancy breakouts like you wouldn't believe. (but since i'm all about keeping it "real" i would never do such a thing, i'm just saying if you wanted to you could. shut up...I CHOOSE WHAT'S REAL!!)

-it helps me see a lighter, "bloggable" side to the unglamorous life i lead...which in all honesty is pretty frigging awesome. thankless, but awesome.

the next big thing...

I can't even tell you how much i love this .

Why didn't i think of it?

If it were a plate of garlic and cheese fries i would devour it.

If i could, i'd take it behind the middle school and get it pregnant.

cause i always wear the same outfit for days, but people just give me crap.

but it also got me thinking...

maybe i should take pictures of ME for 365 days.

...only instead of wearing cute leggings and a dress,

I'll be wearing the same pair of stretch material cutoffs and ACDC t shirt

and i can title it "How far will 30 inches of material stretch?"

and you all could watch as i slowly retain gallons of water

and balloon into a pregnant whale.

It would probably be less inspiring,

but A LOT more amusing.

eh?

lone ranger.

last weekend i was home alone.

no husband no kids

just me, some movies, a double double and an occasional 3 hour nap.

it was incredible. 

I'll admit though, at first i was all:

"will i be lonely? 

i mean...who's gonna kick the door repeatedly while i go to the bathroom?

 ...who is gonna gag at the dinner i serve?

...who will hide logs of poop in the linen closet?

...who's gonna make sure every pillow is thrown on the floor?

...who's gonna grab my boobs when my hands are occupied and i can't defend myself?"

BUT then the car door shut,

 and i was practically doing cartwheels along the 200 degree pavement.

turns out i exist just fine on a weekend alone ;)

raw sugar.

Today i mopped my floor {for the first time in about three months} and my iPhone came in the mail....the sky is the limit! So this weekend, since we have no plans to go on holiday, i plan to challenge myself to make it fun at home kicking off my inspired summer plans to  botox all of my sweat glands  er...enjoy as much of it as i can with my two darling children ;)  here's what i have in mind....

{project image found at cookie's nesting blog }

1. a do it yourself dollhouse...where the kids are in charge.  This is where mommy is challenged to NOT micromanage the project to make it look more like the picture ;)

2. a living room fort camp out with shadow puppets and hot cocoa

...and some camp songs for good measure {cause were not quite ready for scary stories}

{image from listentofeist.com }

What do you have planned?? 

....wait don't tell me.....no, DO.  Just kidding this isn't a competition, and your plans can suck it. 


okay fine, they're awesome....but they better not involve the beach.

sweet as pie.

One of the realities of my motherhood is reeeeally trying to not eat my kids candy after they go to bed.

I'm slowly regaining their trust so they'll let me hold their milkshake while they play, or know i won't eat all the cookies when they're gone...whoopsie daisies ;)

yes, truly "sweet" ;)

*update*

this morning i found my cookie monster with chocolate on his mouth and his secret {fresh baked 2 dozen} stash under the pool table, which he only agreed to reveal to me after he requested i refer to him as "sneaker"

clearly, it runs in the family :)

oh the irony!

...My sister came over today and I was telling her about sweetest comments i've received since Taza linked me on her blog last night.   We quickly got to laughing about just how wildly scummy i look today..."if they could only see you now!" she teased.

i gotta say...i was a little shy and ashamed at the fact that as i scoured over your words, not only was my armpit hair poking into my upper arm, but i didn't even have a bra on my body until like 1:30! {breaking a sad and simple new years goal}  But I had been captivated in blogging la la land when it hit me...i haven't even showered.. for like, three days!!

My life is so realistically unglamorous. A point that is solidified by the fact that as i type this, i've just learned that my son just majorly pooped his pants. no joke. My husband has summoned my help, and by "help" he will surely mean "can you do this instead of me please so i don't DRY HEAVE my face off?" {since moms have stomachs of steel you know}

i was right.

Just like that....a reality check that got me to finally shower! "Oh Universe! (lightly punching its imaginary shoulder)...you got me. AGAIN!" {but perhaps a more subtle hint next time}

Anyway the best part is all of the adorable blogs i've found, like this one ...and this one ! I am amazed at all the kind words and talent of those who said hello {thank you!!}, and i've spent the better part of the day responding to as many of you as i can. However, in the interest of full disclosure, i feel its only fair to confess: I am lame sometimes. As women, we tend to torture ourselves with comparisons {myself included} so i want to admit: as much as i love the beautiful romantic things i find through blogging, sometimes my cynical side wants to figuratively blow myself to the moon if i see one more blog post about dandelions or "potty training success!" {crap...am i'm bitter?? from this, this ..or perhaps this ?} k wait, i guess i do it too ;)

Either way...you all are the biggity-best.

{art by Elyott}

heres to keeping it real!

happy lemons

Let us all show the "haters" that happiness is a choice. In this heavy world, seeking out the beauty and humor in small things helps us keep our sense of proportion. 

Inspired my current read, Happiness for Two , and this blog here are some little random things that make me happy:

-chubby baby thighs
-the evening after a long run 
-fresh sheets
-overcast Saturdays
-reading in bed  
-old school photo booths
-Handsome Bob
-pulling weeds while my kids play in the yard
-popsicle stained tummies
-wind chimes
-movies w/Shia Lebouf
-having time for 3 "snooze" pushes
-little kid british accents
-arrested development dvds   


Here's to enjoying life in our own way!

what a shame.

I bought (and restored) these vintage stools in hopes to modernize my lifeless kitchen....only to discover that my kids want nothing else but to destroy them.   You see, they swivel.  If they had their way they would sacrifice the stools, the counter top and their heads all in the name of dizzying fun.  Therefore, sadly, I must sell* them.  Based on my experience they would be best suited to a home without kids under 5.  I am listing them on the AZ Craigs list but thought I'd throw them on here too. you never know...

Hope you are all enjoying your weekend!

t.m.i.

25 random things i may, or may not be, ashamed of:



1. I have been bitten 4 dogs.  And i am now officially afraid of most of them (and also still of the dark)


2. I have really ugly feet


3. I peed my pants pretty consistently from laughing until about age 20.


4. I collect robots


5. I hate mayonaise on ANYTHING, except for brocolli and artichokes (i've only recently found out this isn't normal?)


6. I hate my name...and unless i were a 60 year librarian from Montana or....a Retired Title Agent from Orlando or maybe a Black Jack dealer in Atlantic city or...{actually, that's all i got} I probably always will.


7. Once, while training for a race, i ate an entire Ben and Jerry's smores pint every night 5 nights in a row (to spare you the math, that is more than 6000 calories)


8. To me a ripped magazine is as good as trash, as is the idiot who ripped it.


9. When someone ends a sentence or question with "at" i want to smack their mouth.


10. I am usually late.


11. I know all of the words to Cinderella, TLC's "Waterfalls" (including the "break it down") and most Reba McEntire songs.


12.  I have the WORST geographical knowledge, but a good sense of direction (hmm??)


13. I don't wear a wedding ring. (my first one broke, my second one fell in the ocean)


14. My boobs were once naturally a size 34"H" (a.k.a. frigging ridiculous)


15. I am half British, and (on an unrelated note) hate Australian accents


16. I love playing games (and accidentally hum songs through most of them)


17. I don't follow American Idol and i could never stand watching David Archuletta perform (gasp.....yes she did!)


18. Gave birth to both my babies inescapably without pain killers.


19. I use a fork to eat ice cream


20. I secretly pray for my life to be spared every time i take of in an airplane.


21. I have freckles from head to toe.


22. I love pulling weeds.


23. Eat all cereal and cookies with water.


24. My nostrils are about the same size as a newborn baby


25. I commonly mix dreams with reality(my husband loves this) for instance for years i believed that my grandma's dog could really smile on command, or yesterday that Adam mentioned he'd like to re-do the colors in our bedroom so it would "look less like a living room"

*and why, you ask, would anyone care about such useless information?...you'll have to ask Facebook.

my better half.

Last week i mopped half of my floor.


...this draws upon a most prominant theme in my life: freaking balance {or lack thereof}. The thing is I am a "half doer".  BUT, I always eventually finish...I just halfway alternate between like 15 things at once.  As I type I notice the half removal of my chipping nailpolish.  I seriously only took it off the one hand {which makes me think of how amazing it was that it was actually on both hands in the first place, since i usually only paint the left side, what a lame-o}


I have been known to inadvertently coat only one of my eyes with mascara. Right now i find myself with makeup on, but no bra?!? I'm such a centaur (you know those horse/human things, but minus all the body hair and hooves cause, gross.) half of me is a multitasking genius, the other half is, i don't know...hanging with unicorns er... shooting a bow and arrow??


Summer, {who has heard this time and again} you are always good for psychoanalyzing my "quirks"...so what is up with me?? {aside from a little more mood stabilizers and a little less caffeine} I was apparently only HALF listening when you told me the first time.


With or without a solution, thankfully my usually willing and always my loving husband is a "finisher". He "completes me" {vomit, i know}. Swooping in on so many of my misguided projects.  Now if he'd only get me ready in the mornings....{sigh}

**also: 2009 is not agreeing with me blogging.

fresh paint (and why i'm called odd jobs)

As the Nie Sale draws near, i find myself in the most "oddjob" state that i've been since i was pregnant with Sheamus. My morning starts: I walk to the "junk" cupboard for the umteenth time to try and find some chocolate "fuel", thinking that maybe in the last 10 minutes a king size snickers bar will have miraculously appeared amidst the picked over contents of pocorn and jello pudding mix (only now what i want is that straight instantly gratifying chocolate injected into my veins). On the way i see the stack of frames i scored at the closing hour of an estate sale last saturday with Bert ( i can spruce those up for NIE i think...ill take 'em.... fill a box for $1! HOLLA).  So i think i'll go look at the spray paint i have, and into the laundry room i go, where i see the NIE sign i painted last week (you are starting to get a idea of what my house has been like lately...paint on the floor, flyers on the counter, spraypaint by my hamper, emails up the wazoo, etc.) So i go to take it (the large YELLOW wooden sign) to the garage, clearly a more sensible storage place.

I open the garage to greeted by bags, signs, boxes, and furniture staring at me practically begging me to spray them first. My thumbs quiver at the memory of the 15 spray cans lined up in the laundry room. The frames can wait, i think, until i find some inspired artwork to fill them with, right? I pull out a pair of old wooden chairs (that i began and abandoned sanding in a fit of "oddjob craze" months ago) and start to tediously scrape the remanants of flaking paint in the crevices that were no match for my sander. 


 It is 11:30am. I take turns with one hand pitching "screwy" and batting with "darlin'" (aka. playing baseball with Sheamus), simultaneously and precariously scraping flaky paint with an old steak knife in the other. I then pull out the white spray can and let loose. As the first coat dries, i spot the wicker chair beckoning me from a dark corner ("me next!")...

...about 8 cans of spray paint, 5 hours , my 2 now practically bloody thumbs (who will likely strangle me in my sleep if these chairs don't sell for a million dollars) 4 diet pepsis, and about 6 neighbors who see me braless later (remember this was a spontaneous morning task) i look up, discouraged to find about thirty more things that also need my "special attention". I spend a while chatting with a good friend who brought some items to donate, and realize only after i go inside, that not only was indecently clad in my pajamas and covered in paint chips, but have a black mustache clinging to the peach fuzz on my upper lip! Glorious.

What will tomorrow bring?? more spray cans i presume...and hopefully good news from CJane's blog. That's right, there is a reason for this madness...6 very specific reasons: Nie, Christian, Claire, Jane, Ollie and Giggs to be exact. After a long day of toxic fumes and way too much caffiene, my sweet husband runs to fetch a woozy me some "emergency" tacos from my fav mexican dive, kisses my thumbs, and resists his urge to tease me for the random impulsive sequence of my day. He tells me i look beautiful in my cutoff jeans shorts (what else?) and now sunburned forehead. 

I think of Nie and her Mr. Nielson and how much they are fighting to be home again doing such random things (and would probably give anything for merely sore thumbs), their kids doing their best to have hope while missing their sweet parents, and amazing CJANE for all her incredibly generous accounts of her experiences loving those same cute kids. I am then reminded that even though this event may yeild a mere drop in the bucket of funding, and though none of this will bring them home any sooner, people need a way to be involved, to love thy neighbor as so many of you have for this family. I only wish (rather fantasize) i could inspire one person like the Nielsons and Co. have inspired so many to act out of love for a stranger. Tonight i will pray for NIE, and tomorrow you can bet i will be in my garage, spraying away...

...but this time i'll put on a bra ;)