imamomma.

Imagine while you look at these pictures my kids whining the whole time:

"this huuuurts!"

"my legs are tired!!"

"the sun is so bright!" (we were standing in the shade)

"stop saying Sonny's name daddy!"

That pretty much summed up how awesome they acted all day. 

In your faces though children because I choose to take this as a compliment. 

Why you ask?

Because now i know that you know that since i am such a beacon of patience and understanding of your age appropriate selfishness....you didn't even get punched one time :)

team Boo ♥'s you

The final "Don't be a drag just be a queen"

Last week I watched my niece and nephew (5 mo. and 2 yrs) along with my three kids. It was just after i got the two year old off the counter, right about the time the 5 month old was screaming his face off (as Elyott made him a bottle and i changed his bum) i turned to find the 2 year old flipping dirt out from my (only surviving) potted cactus...with diarrhea spilling out her diaper...holding a knife! I couldn't help but laugh at how ridiculous the threshold of looking after little ones can be. It happens to the best of us. Just when you think a moment with children is totally out of control, without fail, the universe will play the diaper explosion or emergency room card (or both). NOT awesome.


But then, when all is calm, the clouds part and the angels are singing. And you did it! You have poop on your foot...but you're ALIVE! and so are the children!!


So now is where you ask: "Why the crap would i sign up for something so insane that i'd give my right arm for one moment of reprieve?...I'll keep my awesome life I have now, thank you very much!"

But here's the kicker: Truly the things in life we work the hardest for are always what we value most...and to me, being a mom is the most tiring thing i will ever endure! Good and bad, nothing feels more divinely intended as motherhood does (even if it feels like a sick joke at times). It rocks your world, it gives life richness, it scares you, it cracks you up (sometimes cause it's funny and other times cause it's nuts), it satisfies way down to your bones, it scrambles your brain, it makes a mockery of your hygienic standards, it fills your heart like nothing else can, it is the best gift i can ever imagine.

(also by a couple months in you'll probably get used to all the poop and throw up ;)

Throughout my 8 years of motherhood I have discovered both the best and the worst facets of "myself." I, like most of us, fall somewhere in the middle of two extremes: "the mom who lives to be one" and the "ones who should be manditorally sterilized". However trite, it does go by fast...but I take comfort in the fact that somehow I feel like I've had my kids forever (like my arm or my eyeballs) They are the part of me that I will forever (no matter what) be unabashedly proud of, unconditionally invested in and totally in love with. 


Often times we hit rough patches. We all do. Sometimes those "patches" feel more like never ending roads that frigging suck, and that motherhood is to blame. Please remember: depression/anxiety does not discriminate. You just happen to be a mom. Life in general gets more complex and more difficult to manage the deeper we climb into adulthood. If you aren't digging being a mom at this hugely transitional point in your life, big deal. If i've said it once I've said it a million times: kids are turds. But they can be lovely and endearing company too (like funny/innocent adults...with way shorter arms. who don't wipe very good.)

And please for the love of emotional eaters all over the world, let's all stop comparing ourselves to this mothering standard! With our negative inner dialogue, she often rears her ugly (but really stylish and smiley) head as we scour the blog world. It is a self imposed and complete fictional character. You have strengths that will carve out your own mothering niche. First be totally honest with yourself, then cut yourself a little more slack! Motherhood has so many variables, so there really is no magic formula that will ever prepare you for it. Making goals gives you direction, but clear your mind of expectation. Just like the rest of life, it rarely goes as planned.

I have had so much fun in this Project Boo: Don't be a Drag, Just be a Queen series. It is overwhelming to think of how many of you out there that i truly admire for your positive mothering energy, and could have written something equally as inspiring as Renee, Abby, Stacie, Cara or Kelly. SO MANY! This series literally could go on forever! (but then i fear most of you would eventually want to scratch your patronized eyes out) Thanks to these awesome blog friends of mine for being my internet "trophy wives," if you will. As for the rest of you...I'll hit you up for my next "Project Boo" ;)


In conclusion: Be a mom! or don't. At least let a mother in your life know how much you appreciate their efforts. It's the small things we accept as payment. And if you're a mom now (or even if you're not) just in case no one has told you yet today....you rock ;)

team Boo ♥'s you
(and thanks Kelli for your sweet invitation to share my thoughts with your friends)

Don't be a drag, just be a Queen: Abby

Queen #5: Abby

I don't know how i first came across Abby's blog, but i do know that it was her calm wit and simple charm that drew me in. A "delightful" combo of a romantic heart, girl next door appeal and endearing delivery of thought. One thing that truly stands out with Abby is how approachable and humble she is. The more i read the more i love her perspective on life. It would be easy to simply admire the cover of her life's book: she's beautiful and stylish, her husband is sensitive and handsome, two cute kids and bunch of great pictures of family and island adventures to show for it. But there isn't an ounce of pretentiousness about her and that is what crowns her as my latest drag free Queen. Her story about motherhood is a perfect example of her humility:

"We spent the first half of 2010 living in the West Indies. In other words, a really really really small island in the Caribbean. Sounds like a dream right? My husband was in medical school and he generally left the house before our two kids woke up and returned long after they were asleep. The school provided transportation for students and I can still hear the HOOOOONK of the taxi bus as it roared down the tiny street to our house at 7 each morning. It meant that I was a single mother for the day. A single mother without a car and without a clue. Thinking about the honk of that bus still gives me a little stomachache.

I spent a lot of time hand washing dishes while staring out the window at cruise ships, hanging laundry on the clothesline, and sweeping great masses of ants out the door. (The ants were out to get me.) My kids watched many a classic cartoon on the only kids channel we had. I can still hear the theme jingle for that channel in my mind. It also gives me a little stomachache. A girl can only take so much Scooby Doo.

During this time my husband was incredibly stressed with school. This made me incredibly stressed. This made my 4- and 2-year-old incredibly stressed. My son started peeing his pants and the bed. He'd also raid the refrigerator every two minutes. It became this power struggle between us. I'd often sob in front of him after he'd wet his pants for the second time that day, or when he'd demand we "go back to the United States." We'd go to the grocery store in a taxi and the kids would beg for sugary cereals that cost the equivalent of $10 US, or or a jug of juice that was $7 (and, oh-by-the-way, totally expired.) They'd throw fits when they didn't get them. Oh man, it was ugly at times. I truly would have staked my life on the fact that I would never miss this time in our lives. And I really began to hate myself as a mother. Cue the stomachache.

The second half of 2010 found us back home again. My husband and I had weighed our options when the semester had ended and found through prayer and many, many tears (surely the Caribbean's salty waters rose a few inches that spring) that going home would be a good idea. It has been. There's pain and embarrassment in letting go of some dreams and admitting a sort of failure, but now I have such a different perspective on those five months. I think about the many sweltering afternoons at the breathtaking beaches, teaching Sunday School to the children at church and joining our voices with theirs in song, picking the most delicious ripe mangoes straight from the trees, proudly figuring out how to handle the many roundabouts while driving on the left. My parents came to visit and we packed that week full of every adventure we could- hiking the volcano, riding the sugar train, ferrying to a nearby island, and visiting the 400-year-old British fortress. Really wonderful times. And there's not a day goes by that I don't think of the wonderful friends we made there. Some were temporary visitors like us and some will never set foot off that little land. I cherish them all so dearly. I also surprisingly (to me) cherish the horrible days because it means I survived them and left a different person. Out of a lot a pain mixed with some joy, out of a really difficult experience, came a treasure.

My kids still throw fits at the grocery store. I still sometimes cry in front of them when I'm having a bad day. Instead of ants, I battle with the bone-chilling cold and snow of January, February, and March. (Those months are so out to get me.) In other words, life is still hard! Even on the mainland! Even when I get to see my husband for more than an hour a day! And the common thread is motherhood. Being a mother is so hard. So hard! Some days there is really no difference between "stuck on an island" and "stuck with two crying kids." It can be a remarkably similar feeling. But I know some day I'll see these young mother days as really beautiful. From "our really expensive Caribbean vacation" I learned that most life experiences require some time to mature- to soak, to steep, to marinate- before they become palatable to the soul. I'm busy enjoying everything in my life, especially young motherhood. Before long, it will taste so sweet.

-abby"

thanks abby!

team Boo ♥'s you

Don't be a Drag, just be a Queen: Cara

Queen #4: Cara

Cara is many things. Hilarious, thoughtful, passionate, smart, brave, caring, stylish and creative (to name a few). The thing that always blows my mothering mind is that she does it all as a single mom (seriously, if you have kids...stop to let this sink in. Now repeat after me "we're not worthy...we're not worthy!") If you hadn't heard, single parents are superstars...and she is nailing it (even if she disagrees). She knows the value in truly looking for the positivity around her, and that is what makes her one of the raddest chicks i know, and the most NON-drag queen so far! We can all learn a lot from this girl...love her with me:

"top 10 things i wish someone would have told me upon entering single motherdom:

10. laugh often. watch whatever comedy you can and surround yourself with funny people. in the middle of your child's screaming fit, try to just laugh. this will save you. also, don't underestimate the power of taking a black sharpee to your child's face and drawing a mustache during their meltdowns. 

9. know the bus system (if you can't afford a car, or even if you can) memorize the schedules and stop ids. also, know the public transit phone numbers. and be nice to your bus drivers. they remember you and will stop for you when you're running like an idiot to catch the bus.

8. do something where you just sit still for 15 minutes. every day. pray. meditate. do the dishes. read. paint. learn to listen to your breath. if you can master this in 15 minute increments, it will be easier to muster in more chaotic times.

7. children's television programming is your friend. i swore against it early on. and now it's the only way i can get laundry done or a shower in.

6. dating sucks. plan on not doing it all that well for a long while. or at all. your baby is way better anyways.

5. organize. give everything a home. anything to make life less chaotic. 

4. plan ahead. as much as possible. and pack accordingly. plan for explosive diapers, hungry children, stranded self, the apocalypse, etc.

3. SNACKS. healthy snacks for you and for child. available all the time. no one gets crankier than a hungry me. 

2. take care of yourself. do things for you. on top of eating right, getting exercise, actually getting ready for the day. find ways to sneak in as many quick little happy treats as possible. dine out, hike, travel, LIVE YOUR LIFE.

1. check your pride. accept any kind of help. and thank the heck out of them. (lucky for me, i have a pretty amazing support system)

 My challenge to support the single mothers you know in the same ways my friends do:

 -offer rides. or your vehicle. though the bus system is awesome here, it can be stressful to take my babe on the bus, especially in the rain...during her nap time.

-babysit. even for an hour. running errands solo is. awe. some. i've had some surprises of people really invested in my child and it means the world. my ex's mother takes the cub overnight nearly every saturday night. this is probably the most amazing gift ever. i can go out or stay in by myself and definitely sleep in. so refueling.

-give her a job. any job. i promise you she needs the money, especially if she isn't getting child support. or marry her.

-gifts. hand me down clothes. money. giftcards. food. meals. a good album or book. a planned event. an adult conversation. cheap rent/a place to live. movie night. big item loans (bike, furniture, etc). hugs. encouraging words. a cup of coffee. your company. silence. an ear. understanding. these are all awesome and thankful for me, i get most of them from my housemates."

team Boo ♥'s you
(and single mothers across the land!)

Don't be a drag, just be a queen: Stacie

 Queen #3: Stacie

It's not every day you meet someone as genuinely cool as Stacie. And if that day happens to be the one where you are a total greasy slob frantically searching for circus cookies and tiny red balloons through the aisles of Target (like i did) then...that means the universe hates your guts. But, much to my delight, she still agreed to represent the "brand new" non-drag queen mommas of the blogosphere right here on team Boo. Even as a self proclaimed "anal retentive", Stacie (momma to "baby V") oozes admirable positive Lorelai and Rory Gilmore-ish mothering energy (minus the strangely fast dialogue and theatrical co-dependency :) So without further ado, here is her two cents on motherhood...

Whenever I'm asked about Motherhood, I always think about the day we brought Ivy home with us. When Ivy was born she was immediately rushed to the NICU to be monitored for the remainder of her hospital stay. There they placed an IV in her head, hooked her up to an EKG, inserted a nasal tube, etc. It was terrifying. However the real terror sunk in when it was time to bring her home. You see, thanks to NICUs protocol, I wasn't allowed to nurse her, change her, or hold her whenever I pleased during the entire hospital stay. When it was finally time to go home I was like, "I seriously have no idea what I'm doing." (direct quote).

I was totally shaking in my boots trying to get her ready to leave. You'd think I was handling a live bomb while strapping her into that car seat. Once we were in the car and driving home (20 miles under the speed limit), I had an overwhelmingly calm feeling that everything was going to be just fine. Sitting in the backseat with her I realized that I was completely smitten with this sweet baby of mine and that it really didn't matter how clueless I was, I was just excited to be her Mother and that's all that mattered.

For me, this has been a total learn-as-you-go experience. I am by no means in the position to give out words of advice, (because let's be real that's like a newlywed handing out marriage advice) but I'm going to anyway: Celebrate Motherhood! It's something to be proud of and it's definitely worthy of a daily celebration. Just to name a few, celebrate the fact that you have created something beautiful, something that you love to pieces, and something that has made you a better person! It's all so exciting and rewarding and I think recognizing it really helps you to be a better Mother... even if you still have no idea what you're doing. 

...and if you're not in the mood to celebrate...like for instance if you haven't slept in over 30 hours and you've been wearing the same Yogurtland shirt for over 3+ days (true story) then you should probably just celebrate in a hot shower and a cold diet coke. Either one.

-Stacie

team Boo ♥'s you

don't be a drag, just be a queen

"Queen" #1....yours truly.

A few years ago, while touring a local farm, an amazing phenomenon was brought to my attention. The farmer had the guests note the energy level as we passed the area where all the roosters were kept. It seemed to be just like anyone would expect: a bunch of roosters, heads held high, parading around with an occasional "cock a doodle do" and flutter of flightless wings. As we made our way down the dirt road, the farmer then asked the group to observe the difference in the up coming chicken coop, where all the females were kept separate from the roosters but otherwise together. What we found there was both surprising and magnificent. Unlike the rooster coop, the noise level here tripled as the chickens gabbed with a steady buzz of "clucks" and "be-cocks" of what I imagine were stories of egg sizes, jerky rooster encounters, feather styles and how much feed they had consumed that morning. It was enlightening. As women it is our nature to discuss, exchange stories, to learn from and support one another. From chickens to humans (and most likely every mammal in between) we are here for each other through the good, bad and the ugly.

I often think of this story somewhat sheepishly (but mostly fondly) when I am blogging or with friends and have to laugh at how truly I fit into this female propensity to share. And it is in this season of my life that motherhood is one of the most rewarding things to advocate. Before Mothers day draws too near and we all start to gag at the droves of mother appreciation posts (cause lets be real, it's not all rainbows and smiles, nor are we all mothers) Over the next couple weeks I'd like to give a few blogging mothers I admire most the chance here at team boo to dispense their remarkable perspectives in our newest Project Boo: "Don't be a Drag, Just be a Queen". 

But first, since I am in charge around here, I will give you a little piece of my mind (okay it's a pretty big piece)... 

Part 1: Cluck Cluck

One of my main goals for my blog is to show how ridiculously amusing parenthood is and how much, despite its often bad rap, being a mother can rock. A while back this lovely blogger (more on her later) posted this article:

My reaction (besides a zigzagged triple finger snap) was this: The thing I've found since becoming a mother is that my perspective has changed. To be frank, I really don't care if someone thinks I talk about stupid things. Or if they scoff at my everyday attire (that i rock by the way ;) Or if they are sick of me saying "nappy" or "boo boo". Or if they are offended that i don't call them enough or have dried boogers on my walls. And it's not about being insensitive, it's just about really not having the capacity to bother worrying about it. For those of you scared to take the plunge into what seems like a life sentence of mediocrity, I'd love to profess: I still do everything I did before! (just not as often) plus I have found new things that I might have never tried without my life taking the course it has...

Instead of having the ridiculous mind consuming ability to go on a crash 1200 calorie diet, I now run marathons to lose baby weight (this way I feel strong and capable rather than one irritation short of biting the head off a bat). We host backyard bonfires with friends instead of frequenting restaurants. I still get dressed up once a week, and laugh at the three more sets of eyeballs amazed at how well I "clean up". My husband and I still fancy ourselves a good make out...and also have realized that sometimes it's just as satisfying to watch Forensic Files while playing footsies under the covers (my words, not his :) I go shopping, just a lot more online (which is better anyway). Yes, I carpool, but we rock out to Metric, and dance with the breaks at stop lights on our way home. We "sleep in" with the help of pre-poured bowls of cereal and the magic of PBS cartoons. We take more pictures. Instead of a theater, we all watch movies together in a king sized bed. Instead of the eyesore of a nearby power plant my kids believe it to be the "cloud factory" (and we check it almost every day for the "forecast" :)

You just adapt. And that way you aren't missing out, cause you have added SO much dimension to your life. In fact, I find so much joy and fun in being their mother. They are hilarious and interesting and loving and fantastic. I keep lighthearted about as much as I can, that way instead of feeling burdened by so much responsibility...we have fun at how absurd things can get along the way. Don't be scared, just treat it like an adventure. You won't loose yourself if you accept that "yourself" is always changing anyway :)

*if you aren't bored to tears, go check out more of my mothering thoughts over at this cute blog.

team Boo ♥'s you


**Attention team boo enthusiasts**
re-blog this post and tell me about it right here! Through a series 3 (ish) featured posts (this being the second) over the next two weeks you will have a chance to win a very exclusive (but still very secret) custom team boo gift! No it won't be made by me...pshew!! but it will be adorable!