Conway Twitty sees the light

I like to use the classic "three strikes you're out" policy when it comes to mass email forwarding...

-The first time, assuming the "10 ways to recycle old pantyhose" was merely a knee jerk reaction to watching Inconvenient Truth amidst a dry spell in their Netficks queue, they get the benefit of the doubt. 

-The second one you cock your head to the side, erase without opening, and go back to eating your cereal hoping that they just forgot they had already used their "freebie". 

-The third is like the sick feeling you get when your friend starts a sentence with "believe me I totally get how annoying those multilevel marketing people are, but there's this opportunity..."

And that's the deal breaker my friends.

Unless, of course, you are my mother-in-law. 

...In which case no matter how many home remedies, kittens doing the "darndest things", and musical friendship video clips she sends your way...she is exempt from getting 86ed off the ole contact list. Plus she's sweet. and also she birthed and raised the love of your life...so she could probably shave the magical healing locks of Sonny's hair and i'd have to love her anyway.

Yesterday i received a gem that cannot go unshared (to ensure you are picking up what I'm puttin' down). In sweet pure hearted Jeanine fashion, the disclaimer at the top read "This is truly beautiful! Turn the volume up..."

And before you go thinking what an unbelievable douche i am for mocking a Jesus montage, please know: i did what i was told and turned the volume up...and therefore couldn't help but notice the awesome cowboy giving his two cents in the background. Ready set go...

....

Do i have the blackest heart of all time?...or are you laughing too? I love Jesus. I do! But here at team Boo nothing is safe from a good laugh, not even my own children. Oh who am i kidding...especially not my own children! And much to Sheamus's sweet five year old dismay, some things he's said recently are just too cute NOT to laugh...

 "Mom...How will i ever get big if i don't like gross food?"

 "Elyott, if i were a binky...would you suck on me?"

 "Elyott are you sure you want to go to the gym?...cause you might have to poop at the gym."

Recap: Jesus. Sheamus. Two of the purest people i can think of. Still funny when you add twangy one liners, or (legit) warnings about pooping in public.

team Boo ♥'s you

**Attention team boo enthusiasts**
re-blog this post and tell me about it right here! Through a series of featured posts (this being the third) over the next couple weeks you will have a chance to win a very exclusive (but still very secret) custom team boo gift! No it wasn't be made by me...pshew!! but it is adorable!

my stretch marks say i have no business wearing a two piece.

(urban outfitters)

and the winner is....

(anthropologie)

I know you are all gonna check the reference and roll your eyes at another blogger who acts like dropping 170 bucks on a swimsuit is no big thang...but if i add in my birthday gift card (thanks dad) and divide the rest out over all the years that i could have been buying a new suit but was still wearing my "tankini"  from 1998 (back when tankinis were cool)...it comes out to about 9 dollars. And it was worth every penny! (if you still wear a tankini, i'll still think your cool. especially if you're wearing it right now)

team Boo ♥'s you


p.s. we still sleep on a mattress on the floor, but at least i won't have disintegrated elastic (aka. see through) beach wear.


p.p.s. yes that is me in the picture. did i mention the suit has magical powers?


p.p.p.s. today i had to answer my door with sonny's throw up on my shirt, so i earned it anyway.

she's not...too sexy for your shirt

It never used to occur to me that thrift stores were for anything else but finding sweet second hand furniture, books, knick knacks or fabric. But in the last few years i have come to learn that if you have daughters that need new clothes (and your husband is a full time student)...hit up your local Savers (i specify savers cause they are much more organized than other thrift stores and also Good Will is the thrift Devil is overpriced and cluttered. Last week Elyott and I scoured through its filmy racks like it was no body's business. I think since little girls usually have so many clothes and they grow faster than they can make them disgusting, we always hit the jackpot. However don't waste your time looking for your 3-8 year old son...unless you like faded pokemon halftops.

Since Elyott is a blogger now (private), and a girl, the only logical thing she could think to do next was a fashion show, duh. Here's a little nugget of her adorableness:

"Welcome to Elyott's thrift store girls fashion show! 

Today i went to Savers with my Mom and i felt very grown up because there were some baskets that had wheels on the bottom and they had a handle like a small cart. So...I got to pick my own clothes and i tried on pretty much a million things!" 

Take your daughters! Make it a date (with some hand sanitizer of course and the promise of ice cream, since it's kind of a weird/disgusting date). It is always a confidence booster for girls to get new clothes. And don't be scared because, while they are in the dressing room trying stuff on, you can slowly swap out the various (nasty) pink leopard jumpers or puffy sleeved silk and toile bridesmaid dresses (of which she has inevitably filled her cart) with the items that won't make her throw up when she looks back at her childhood photos :)

team Boo ♥'s you


p.s. if you've ever had a "team Boo dream" (as a few of you have expressed) don't feel dumb....last night i had a dream that i was Justin Bieber's bodyguard slash (non-romantic) date for his high school prom. shame.

The final "Don't be a drag just be a queen"

Last week I watched my niece and nephew (5 mo. and 2 yrs) along with my three kids. It was just after i got the two year old off the counter, right about the time the 5 month old was screaming his face off (as Elyott made him a bottle and i changed his bum) i turned to find the 2 year old flipping dirt out from my (only surviving) potted cactus...with diarrhea spilling out her diaper...holding a knife! I couldn't help but laugh at how ridiculous the threshold of looking after little ones can be. It happens to the best of us. Just when you think a moment with children is totally out of control, without fail, the universe will play the diaper explosion or emergency room card (or both). NOT awesome.


But then, when all is calm, the clouds part and the angels are singing. And you did it! You have poop on your foot...but you're ALIVE! and so are the children!!


So now is where you ask: "Why the crap would i sign up for something so insane that i'd give my right arm for one moment of reprieve?...I'll keep my awesome life I have now, thank you very much!"

But here's the kicker: Truly the things in life we work the hardest for are always what we value most...and to me, being a mom is the most tiring thing i will ever endure! Good and bad, nothing feels more divinely intended as motherhood does (even if it feels like a sick joke at times). It rocks your world, it gives life richness, it scares you, it cracks you up (sometimes cause it's funny and other times cause it's nuts), it satisfies way down to your bones, it scrambles your brain, it makes a mockery of your hygienic standards, it fills your heart like nothing else can, it is the best gift i can ever imagine.

(also by a couple months in you'll probably get used to all the poop and throw up ;)

Throughout my 8 years of motherhood I have discovered both the best and the worst facets of "myself." I, like most of us, fall somewhere in the middle of two extremes: "the mom who lives to be one" and the "ones who should be manditorally sterilized". However trite, it does go by fast...but I take comfort in the fact that somehow I feel like I've had my kids forever (like my arm or my eyeballs) They are the part of me that I will forever (no matter what) be unabashedly proud of, unconditionally invested in and totally in love with. 


Often times we hit rough patches. We all do. Sometimes those "patches" feel more like never ending roads that frigging suck, and that motherhood is to blame. Please remember: depression/anxiety does not discriminate. You just happen to be a mom. Life in general gets more complex and more difficult to manage the deeper we climb into adulthood. If you aren't digging being a mom at this hugely transitional point in your life, big deal. If i've said it once I've said it a million times: kids are turds. But they can be lovely and endearing company too (like funny/innocent adults...with way shorter arms. who don't wipe very good.)

And please for the love of emotional eaters all over the world, let's all stop comparing ourselves to this mothering standard! With our negative inner dialogue, she often rears her ugly (but really stylish and smiley) head as we scour the blog world. It is a self imposed and complete fictional character. You have strengths that will carve out your own mothering niche. First be totally honest with yourself, then cut yourself a little more slack! Motherhood has so many variables, so there really is no magic formula that will ever prepare you for it. Making goals gives you direction, but clear your mind of expectation. Just like the rest of life, it rarely goes as planned.

I have had so much fun in this Project Boo: Don't be a Drag, Just be a Queen series. It is overwhelming to think of how many of you out there that i truly admire for your positive mothering energy, and could have written something equally as inspiring as Renee, Abby, Stacie, Cara or Kelly. SO MANY! This series literally could go on forever! (but then i fear most of you would eventually want to scratch your patronized eyes out) Thanks to these awesome blog friends of mine for being my internet "trophy wives," if you will. As for the rest of you...I'll hit you up for my next "Project Boo" ;)


In conclusion: Be a mom! or don't. At least let a mother in your life know how much you appreciate their efforts. It's the small things we accept as payment. And if you're a mom now (or even if you're not) just in case no one has told you yet today....you rock ;)

team Boo ♥'s you
(and thanks Kelli for your sweet invitation to share my thoughts with your friends)

don't be a Drag, just be a Queen: Renee

Queen #6: Renee

Renee is one of those ladies that you wish you could find a hidden USB port into their brain and download as much awesome material as you can. A good way I gauge my love of someones blog, is how often I feel the need to read it out loud to Adam. Her mutant comedic superpowers and loveable dorkiness make her clever blog posts some of the most treasured golden nuggets of my weekly reading (and Adam's listening). Janeane Garafalo meets Tina Fey if you will. Despite the fact that she's certifiably blind (not crazy eyeballs blind, but rather owns-walking-stick-to-avoid-falling-down-flights-of-stairs-blind) Renee always sees the rawest forms of what makes motherhood so irreverent and yet ironically edifying. She has been here before and she will most likely be here again because she is hilarious and sweet...and she absolutely rocks. Enjoy her "drag free" take on motherhood with me:

"I just read about a study that says that adults without children are happier than adults with children. Something to do with how Americans have kids later in life than we used to, and how kids no longer plow the family fields, so instead of being commodities, they just sort of drain our resources and leave Otter Pop wrappers everywhere, and make us all Walking Sad-Faces with yogurt on our pants.   

WHAT?!??

My kids are not easy, by any means.  Harrison nearly broke his neck racing down a hill on his trike a couple of days ago, and Lennon recently told her first grade teacher that there are two kinds of periods:  One you put at the end of a sentence and the other... well, you know...  They do stuff that makes me wince, and cry, and constantly question myself (seriously, how does she know about periods??)

...But I am definitely happy.  My kids give me a reason to celebrate just about every day.  If it's not Christmas, Mardi Gras, or National Ice Cream Day, maybe it's the day they lost their first tooth, or the day they learned how to pour their own bowl of cereal.  Sure, I could celebrate these days on my own, without kids, but there's just something to be said for sharing the Magic of the simple joys with people you love. 

And then there's the Magic they bring.  My kids are kind to animals, and have incredible empathy.  My son is quiet, but he is so expressive, and I am so impressed with his humor and determination.  My daughter finds ways to show her love in even the smallest of opportunities.  She sees beauty all around her, and she tells wonderful stories.  They are gorgeous, and goofy, and their laughter is effortless and pure.    

Now, the last thing I want to be is one of those parents who thinks their kid is the Greatest Thing Ever, and feels that Parenthood Is More Important Than Anything You Ever Did. But there's another end to that extreme, and I'm just not cool with denying that it makes me happy to be a mom, even if that is the trend these days.  I don't feel like I'm inflating the experience, in order to justify the expense, as leading psychologists suggest.  I just really like my kids, and I've spent enough time with them to know they are worth it. 

I think this is why I love reading the blogs out there that do this right.  When you love your kids, we all see it.  But when you really, really enjoy their company, we all feel it too.  When I read a blog post, I'm looking for reality, but I'm also looking for the love..  So I'm challenging myself, and you too, if you're on board, to express kind words about your kids today, if you haven't done it already, or if it's been a while..   Blog posts about broken macbooks and snotty noses have their place (see, my blog in a couple of days), but today, it's about love. 

Let me know if you're in.  Let's make the Studies and Leading Psychologists look like the WalkingSadFaceYogurtPants for once." 

- Renee

team Boo ♥'s you