a very Dikefest christmas

You've all had time to Christmas detox I hope. Please don't let this send you back into a yule tide tailspin. This just wouldn't be a true family blog without documenting the most wonderful time of the year ;) Plus it must be recorded in history that our little Sonny boy said his first legit phrase on Chirstmas day (he'll be two in one month) "eyy seh dooooooo!" (which is baby for "ready set go") I was so excited that i texted his speech therapist on the spot. Then yesterday he not only said, but simultaneously signed, "peease" (i can't help but clarify the obvious that he meant "please") It was the perfect gift! Now if we can just get him to say "momma" by Mother's day....

 

 

team Boo ♥'s you

moving forward.

It's not that I particularly love my chin. I don't particularly hate it either. I mean...It's a chin (although adam's was a little pube-y). Yet there it has sat at the top of my page for weeks. Based on recent requests to change the "chin" picture, I am freshly posting. Thinking chinless thoughts. Are you getting scared that the subject of this post will be "chins"? (Complete with corny Chinese phonebook jokes). It probably won't be, but I never really plan ahead. For anything. Except children. But we're only about 66% on that. 

The best was the time that i left the soft focus pregnant picture of myself for like 3 weeks. It wasn't just because that picture was dreamy and Delta Burke style awesome, but it marked the first time in months that i wasn't confined to my bed from pregnancy nausea. And i took a little break because the last thing i wanted to prove was how equally exciting my life was when I wasn't too sick even to watch Gilmore GIrls re-runs (did you even know suck a sickness level existed!? Me neither.)

Our update? Sonny still drags his cute, almost 2 year old, little legs around like your 9 month old. And refuses to say anything audible but "don don don!" (when he wants you to stop picking his nose) or "Wow" for most other things.

It makes sense though, since there art so many things to be impressed with around here. Like the 45 minutes we saved in November by keeping our Christmas lights stapled to our house since Christmas 2010. WOW. Or how I read three books, which is 300% more than i've read in the last 6 months. WOW. Or when we got our new (used) tandem bike i tried to jump off the back intending on clearing the wheel well, but instead landed in the giant wire basket i forgot was there, thus marking my hamstrings with large black basket shaped reminders of how big of a spaz i am. WOW. Hopefully my neighbors were watching.

Hope you are equally enjoying the season!

team Boo ♥'s you

not 30.

I typically don't let myself honestly compare myself to other girls. For that habit is a risky little game. A healthy life-guaging amount yes, but not in a beat myself up kind of way. i generally like to make my life's shortcomings known and embrace them like a cheeky sidekick. And it is certainly opposite day of fair to even read Cakies blog around my birthday, because it happens to be right after her birthday. Every year it sets the movie standard of thoughtful gift giving, themed scavenger hunts and romantic adorableness that make kittens look like donkeys. 

Now, I knew what i was getting into when Adam and i got married, and it did not include romantic warm fuzzies. True this: we are in love and compatible and insanely happy to be best friends with benefits everyday. But as i looked down at my birthday breakfast in bed burrito and 3 musketeers bar garnished with secondhand candles that spelled out "hairy", i thought how nice it would be if Cakies husband could coach Adam on how to think about a wife's birthday sooner than 10 minutes before she wakes up. Maybe it's my own birthday karma?? In his defense I am very low maintenance, but next time at least try and spell out less offensive anagram of the leftover "hap birtday" letters. At least.

He's lucky i didn't turn 30 this year. And that his birthday is 3 weeks after mine (so he set his own lame standard). And that he unknowingly ordered me a pair of new camel colored ankle boots that i got a little late, but i forgive him since he has such good taste (wink).

...And also i really like burritos. 

team Boo ♥'s you

better late than...even later

"Hey Late-y"...as in i'm late for most things. Not to be confused with "Lady" which is usually what people think i'm saying when i declare this.

Like how I had Sheamus's party one month late and am just now writing about it. (On Elyott's 5th birthday we had her birthday party in July. Her birthday is in January*) On Sheamus's birthDAY, since it was his "golden birthday", we gave him a golden trophy...naturally. Never mind that it was a baseball player that i scrounged it from a neighbor. He's a sucker for "gold th-wings". (Don't you just want to bite his cute face off when he talks!?)

(birthday "favor" coupons from Elyott)

Ok so a few months ago, one of my overachieving friends (who also, might i add, is never late) threw an amazing Lego party for her 6 year old. Complete with a homemade Lego pinata, Lego themed games, homemade Lego font banners, and custom actual lego piece invitations you have to put together to find out the deets of the party (which sheamus still has displayed proudly on his headboard) It was a perfectionist's dream! You know who you are...Jerkface*.

As his own birthday neared, Sheamus and I talked about what we could do for his party. He hinted that not only wanted his party to be Lego themed, he wanted it to be identical to this one.

Fast forward 4 weeks and 4 times the parental shame later, we finally threw him a last minute surprise party (a surprise to hopefully distract form the fact that we had zero plans and were a month late). Party invites were texted, no organized games were devised, a few balloons hung (that my Lego profesh friend did since i spazzed out at the last second, and called her to help me as if i had a latex allergy). I simply bought a lego cake and a bunch of lego mini-figures for the party guests to play tradesies, fingers crossed... 

Total flipping hit. 

I was the first party i wasn't a micromanaging maniac. At one point in the chaos of the party Sheamus motioned that he wanted to tell me something... and when i knelt down he whispered softly in my ear "thanks for my surprise party mom. i love it." And then it was set in stone...It really was the best party EVER (even if it wasn't). My boy was shyly beaming (in true Sheamus fashion) and my heart was a puddle on the floor.

What is the lesson here folks? To procrastinate and then do a crappy job when you execute your plans? To be an underachiever and then ridicule the strengths of the friends you absolutely admire?? To shelter your kids from other moms who are way more awesome than you are??? Tempting, but No. 

The lesson here is: 6 year olds don't give a crap about "flare" (as long as they get presents). My unwarranted advice: calm the H down and don't go all nut job sewing custom party favor bags until 1 in the morning for any child under the age of say...10. Because there is a good chance that instead of acknowledging your insane labors of love (and they are insane), they are probably only gonna remember that one time the blue Lego cake they ate turned their poop green.

Of course none of you will listen to this and you will continue planning your 1 year olds birthday circus extravaganza, complete with a petting zoo, and midgets. Its because, like addicts, we all have to come to this realization on our own. Just call me when you hit rock bottom, and we can swap our stories of crazy.

team Boo ♥'s you

*E doesn't remember a thing. booyah.

*I am fully aware that this friend is reading this, and will never let me hear the end of it.

And finally (speaking of late) before I commit entirely to November, i have to share with you just how weird my kids are. This was the first year we actually carved pumpkins (as opposed to drawing on them with markers. Another one of my sweet "shortcuts") and they were basically gagging the whole time. Except for Sonny of course who ate the pumpkin guts right off the floor. Good times.

jagged little pill

We all remember the Alanis Morrisette "Irony" debacle of '95, and we've all second guessed our use use of the word since then. With that said, here are a few bits of my life in the last few weeks that may or may not be actual irony but are worth remembering:

My super ugly $9 anti-headache computer glasses that make me look like Winnie from Wonder Years (circle faces unite!) But the cool kids say really ugly things are just ironic enough to be cool. If that is true, these are just short of "ugly-enough" and really are actually just ugly. 

Sonny looks cute in them though...

I am finally taking a digital photography class, but I never take pictures of the things of my life anymore! Not even of the huge Halloween party I helped create last week...sad. On top of that, I never made it home to "freshen up" before it started so I was stuck in my running shoes, cut offs and mesh hat for the whole thing like a total idiot. Whenever I go through the trouble of making something look great I end up looking like a total freak.

For Halloween Adam dressed up like a pimp. He has a gold track suit that he pretty much wears every year on either Halloween (or for Christmas morning which is classy) He thought i should go as a prostitute, you know...so we'd match...walking our KIDS around our neighborhood to trick or treat...as a pimp...and prostitute. Nice.

Instead I decided I would go as the late Amy Winehouse*. You know, big hair, thick eyeliner....obviously not a prostitute! All my neighbors thought I was a prostitute anyway. Shocker. In retrospect, i probably could have rebelled against his plan with a little more enthusiasm...a clown? maybe a unicorn? (Again no pictures)

Lastly...believe it or not, Sonny is actually watching Oprah here:

Just kidding he is totally watching Mickey Mouse Club House. 

Duh.

team Boo ♥'s you

*(I chickened out on the missing side teeth, i don't generally like spending time looking ugly on purpose. Only accidentally, on most days and with little to no effort.)

break out.

This is a post where I pinky promise not to talk about school (and pinky promises are pretty legit around these parts). 

Wanna know what is really dumb about birds? They have one of the most awesome and rare abilities of all living animals, so i swear they are just being cocky when they swoop in front of moving cars and do sneaky dangerous things rubbing it in our faces like little jerks. But sometimes this invincible attitude breaks their cute little necks. Like the three birds who in an hour span that tragically ran into the glass windows near the pool of the Mexican hotel we stayed in last week. They have all this open space to fly over the ocean and land on quaint rooftops and they choose to fly straight into reflective glass. Immediate deadness. What idiots. Poor cute little idiots.

You wanna know who else is poor and cute and NOT an idiot (but his parents are)? My Sonny bear. Sweet baby fell backward off a high bed and got a concussion on the tile floor in Mexico. Being in a poor country is a scary place to be injured, especially when the injured one is your baby. After an hour of persistent head trauma induced vomiting (i scary) we got the H out of there and back to the US. We had a long 4 hours of a vomiting and lethargic Sonny. Finally we checked him into the our local children's hospital (for the second time this year!) where a CT scan and an overnight stay deemed his little nugget safe to go on thinking about his hippopotamus and laughing at sound effects and doing all sorts of classic Sonny things. I feel sad for the people of Puerto Penasco (and many other places in the world) that only have old school x-ray machines (if that) to check their sweet babies "concussed" heads. What a helpless feeling it would be to not know how to help your hurt baby :( 

I am thankful that Sonny is okay, I really feel like we dodged a bullet. Besides he needs to keep all his brains in tip top shape for his upcoming therapies. You see Sonny has a few "developmental delays". Which is the official and much scarier way of saying he can't talk or walk and doesn't do much in the way of communicating besides a scream here or there (and laughing of course). He is 20 months. When I was younger I babysat a 3 year old kid that just force grunted/screamed at everything, and the thought of that Sonny acting anything like that kid gives me mini PTSD. The docs are almost certain it's not autism, and that some early intervention therapies should boost his abilities. I'll keep you posted (whether you like it or not ;) on his progress as we get further into his treatment.

Anyway i barely got any pictures while we were in Mexico :( like 5.  So i guess this picture of my cute Elyott above (whom i saw for about three minutes while we were there) none of Sheamus (who counted down the days sixteen times a day until we got to go home from our "field trip". Total home-body.) and this one below of my sweet Sonny Delight playing with his barf bag in the hospital will have to do. 

The next two weeks I will be in church Halloween party mode. The annual event where i wear the same cutoff jean shorts with a box cutter in my back pocket for two weeks straight. Did i mention i look gorgeous? cause i mega don't. but it goes with the scary theme, right?

team Boo ♥'s you

fall shmall.

Ever wonder how people in the armpits of the world mentally survive the anti-Fall? They sink into a deep denial where they are safe eating hot tortilla soup and wearing fleece like the rest of you, with a few tricks:

1. Play in grass clippings instead of leaves (warning: may cause itchiness and ant bites)

2. Wear layers the second it dips below 80 (and then rip them all off in a sweaty rage when noon rolls around) 

Today it was 76 F. (monotoned) brrrrrr. 

Don't worry though, next week will be back up to the usual inapprope 90's.

3. When all else fails, you watch a lot of Harry potter, and do Harry Potter-y/magic things. Actually most british movies do the trick (minus the ones starring Jason Statham).

Happy Fall-ish!

team Boo ♥'s you

(un) Funny Girl

*(not funny)


Soooooo....What the "H" boo?
What happened to blogging through your school fog? liar.


That's me.
A fatty fat fatty overshooting liar.
Actually i wasn't lying, cause i still have plans, and the intent is pure.
 but i'm gathering momentum and skillz.
(momentum and skillz? sounds cryptic...and a lot like another lie.)


The good thing about school? more frequent (socially pressured) showering. 
The bad? There is no time for anything else (that doesn't have a pulse and live in my house).

It's hard to learn serious crap and make "awesome jokes". Unless it's at someone else's expense, which i don't like to do publically (like the adorable old lady-teenage-apple doll in my class who at her ripe old apple doll age never fails to be age-inappropriately dressed. Complete with half up half down long hair and jean mini skirts) I don't really feel like I can bust out joke-less posts around here any more. I set the tone and now i am married to it. (Wow, I think i just broke my horn's tooting chain. yay metaphors!) It's just that I'm feeling a bit comically retarded at the moment (please no one email me about cavalierly using the word "retarded").

Okay so scratch that, i'm not saying i am so awesome and funny. Let's instead say weird, humorously awkward?...okay, idiotic (said in boring voice). Unfortunately these clssasic "d-list knee slappers" (?) have been violently displaced from my brain by the square roots of standard deviations and polyatomic ions . I'll give you 10 dollars if you can make a joke out of that. And you can't say "your face is a standard deviation" cause i already tried that.

(it works every time, and also never).


...you could tell me some of your funny stories/funny things you've seen on the web (minus animal videos. I exhausted that avenue last week).

team Boo ♥'s you

animals being dicks.

Even though 1 dollar fish tacos at Rubio's is a great reason to look forward to Tuesdays...It's still possible you need this today.


team Boo ♥'s you

deep in my heart...the thunder rolls

"who disturbs my cookie tiiime" -random quote by sheamus/elyott/man/boy

(i thought kids only did this in movies??)

Tonight we had a classic AZ thunderstorm. The kind where the thunder never stops rolling (and that Garth Brooks song won't stop replaying in your mind). I stood outside trying to catch a lightning photo for my class, and I stand before you this day vowing never to make fun of a cheesy lightning picture again. Those suckers are so very sneaky. I barely got one (a crappy one), and I basically took 4 thousand pictures. Maybe I'm missing something? maybe it's really easy to do, and the minute i figure it out, I can switch back to being unimpressed with lightning photos (we all know lightning photos are a gateway drug to wearing wolf shirts).

Speaking of being dramatic, I don't know why I can't bring myself to officially divulge what I'm studying in school (a few of you have asked). Probably cause it's boring to blog about. I suppose you'll just hear snippets here and there about my education (SUSPENSE!) Also cause its awkward when I start telling a friend something in person and then I can see it in their eyes:

A. they are feigning a first time reaction 
("that is Brand New information")
and
B. it's cause they read it on my blog

Like that frigging blazer post. I feel like I can't wear it without feeling so contrived. So if you see me in a blazer this fall let's just have a code word* so we can have a mutual understanding that I know you read about it, and you know I know you are gonna pretend you don't know, but by saying the code word we can just move on and talk about much more interesting things...like my school schedule ;) That, or just don't look me in the eyes. 

*Lately, I keep wanting to save time and make code words with people (Adam) and they never take me seriously. Let's do this! code word: "BLAZING SADDLES" (i guess that's two code words)


I'm in a weird mood. 


must be the electricity in the air.


team Boo ♥'s you

WWUJD? (what would Uncle Jessie Do?)

 

Right now i'm in one of those ruts where i'll do just about anything besides finish my chemistry lab (due today). So i've cleaned the kitchen, played all my words with friends moves, gone through the DVR to record all the Mickey Mouse Clubhouses for Sonny. Eaten three more homemade bacon and cheese biscuits than i should have, read a few blogs and now here i am...blogging about it. 

Yesterday i implemented a few of my new strategic blog moves and had my kids help me with some other homework (above). That homework turned out pretty cute if you ask me. It was actually really fun and i only used my serious photo directing voice like twice. 

Then to be fair i helped elyott with her homework (instead of just plopping her at a table and threatening her with homeschool, complete with homemade prairie dresses) I was on hand for questions and support, while i simultaneously and uncharacteristically made fresh biscuits (same as above) wearing my homemade prairie dress (of course). 

Homework got finished, the bonds of love were strengthened...It was like the end of a Full house episode about family teamwork (complete with the canned "awwwwws" that ends in a freeze-framed three way high five) 

Now if i could just find a way to make my chemistry homework not the soul sucking lamest. If only i had two random uncles that lived with me to help me solve my problems...

team Boo ♥'s you