bowling for pinks.

We have a few young citrus trees that bear a lot of fruit but still aren't mature enough to make fruit that doesn't taste like crap. So we picked them anyway and played the old classic: bowling grapefruits at spray paint cans. Apparently i am a total killer-joy of a mother cause I somehow manage to make a simple game like this too structured. In my mind it was simple and fun: throw the grapefuits and see how many cans you can knock over, yay!...what would i possibly have to micromanage?

Me: "take turns throwing them so you know who knocked them over....wait sheamus back up more...just throw the big ones...now go pick up all the ones you threw so we can start over...wait! let me finish setting up the cans before you try to knock them over again!" 

It's no wonder they resorted to throwing stuff at me, i am SO ANNOYING!!" (adding "take stick out of butt" to my resolution list) I could have easily been all "la la la, look at us play our simple cave man game. aren't we silly and spontaneous?" But I needed to be called out on this one, cause I was being a freak. So finally, Dad came out to save the day with a simpler "throw the grapefruit as high as you can and see it explode on the ground. There are no rules to that game (or are there? ;)

team Boo ♥'s you

lets get physical.

Some of you have wondered how I can stand to run on the treadmill for such far runs. the short answer?...the people watching.

I love the diversity at the gym. There's the middle aged men I'm praying won't get on the machine next to me (as their BO is most likely to burn my eyes). The Chatty Kathys on tandem machines...how do they have SO much to say? Their lives must be very exciting...the scandals! (i'm just jealous they have a friend) Then there are the sweet old folks that work out in jean shorts and fanny packs, so cute you could just put 'em in your pocket. 

But my absolute faves are the "My-ipod-Makes-Me-Invisible" ladies:

-We have the J-Lo-Stair-dancing-Mamacita: complete with side kicks, dips and twists (in her defense, she has the booty to pull it off)

-The Tammy-Faye-Motivational-Listener: tons of What Ever Happened to Baby Jane make up, a giant perma grin and makes an occasional shout out of "YES!" or, on a good day, an "I am capable!"

-And the newest to this club is the lady i recently saw lying on the ab rolling machine. Before she began, i watched in delight as she spread her arms out wide (as if conducting an orchestra) waved them around a bit and then drove it home with a few fist clenches (for added drama)...then casually went on to strengthen her core. I imagined she was listening to Celine Dion...so, the fist pumps made sense.

I'm sure you are expecting me to call them a bunch of nut jobs, and based on my first reactions to their public displays, you'd be right. But actually, i'll tell you why I cherish these ladies so much: I truly adore their lack of inhibition. You may or may not be surprised to know that i am actually pretty retarded on the spot. It makes for really awkward pictures, missed opportunities to make memories with my loved ones or meet new peeps. I have a family photo shoot coming up on friday with Steoffrey and i can already feel my elbows and knee caps fusing together...my face has prematurely started to contort into various drunkface positions (caught between a split decision to make a cute or silly expression)...

exhibit A:

Like those at the gym, i wanna not care who is watching me and the judgements they may or may not be passing. Who cares right? I realize judgements are a way of life. It is one way we gauge how we will behave, the people we want to be, and the environment we want to experience. The tricky part is avoiding getting carried away with this. My goal is to (after i stop giggling) avoid assuming those ladies were crazies, and instead applaud their right to go with what they are feeling. And also avoid judging myself too harshly. The truth is I'm gonna look like an idiot sometimes, but if im gonna do it, i gotta do it all the way...or not at all. Otherwise all i'll be left with is a rigid sense of self (aka: a stick up my butt) and a couple of fugly pictures. 


But...you'll probably still never catch me salsa dancing solo on a stair stepper in the middle of a gym, because seeeriously.

;)
team Boo ♥'s you


p.s. I get so annoyed at blogs that are novels...when did i get so long winded and "thinky"?? If my blog were an outfit right now it would be Michael Scott in an unintentional woman's pants suit. I'm ready to be legwarmers again.

so when you feel like hope is gone, look inside you and be strong.

wanna hear something 75% hillarious, but 100% pathetic?

...today after i posted about my glorious teamBoo pillow giveaway. you know the one. the one that isn't perfect but is free and awesome? the one where all you have to do is comment that you are already a teamBoo follower (cause i have eyeballs and i know you're there) and you are in the running? 

i'll tell you what happened....i LOST two followers.

I realize the heart is a little big and the talking part looks a wee bit like a clam foot, but seriously are you guys allergic to free stuff? Are you afraid that since i always tell you how scummy i am, there will be boogers on it or something?? Do you not like LOVE?!? this is about encouraging me to keep sewing guys. sheesh ;)

Then Sheamus pooped in the bath. you know, the kind that breaks into a bajillion pieces but that are still too big to go down the drain. Adam played the "sensitive gag reflex" card (said in a dopey voice that he'd claim he sounds nothing like), and i cleaned it up solo.

BUT its cool cause then Elyott (who BTW came home from school today in a thrifted full unicorn costume that my sister surprised her with during carpool...amazing) reminded me that, amongst all her very precocious verbal skills, she still refers to the Falcon (her school mascot) as a "Phallic-on"

...that always makes me giggle. i'm basically a ten year old boy inside.

team boo ♥'s you

today is not a dress rehersal...it is your life.

(i am trying to be better about inserting myself into my life exploitation/blog...I'm pretty uncomfortable posting pictures of myself. It makes me feel vain. or like you'd imagine i was all "ooh this is an awesome picture of me" and you'd be all "meh" But seriously there aren't many days when i am not a total dirty slob, so its slim pickin's. This one is in disneyland on the POTC ride. The first two sheamus smiled and i looked like a tranny. The third I looked fine but sheamus's "cheese" face was lacking enthusiasm. But guess what? I am the teamBoo captain so MY normal picture wins. booyah) 

moving on to less lame tangents....

Today sheamus talked to the garbage can. Actually he does this on occasion. "hang on" he said "I'll get your other tooth soon.....My food (garbage) is your candy, huh"

Today Elyott had the "BEST day EVER!" She had the same snack at school as her friend Hope. I love this.

Today Sonny pooped on my lap.

Today Adams crustache was off the hook. He went to the gym with it unshaved, and a cutoff t-shirt with his own face printed on the front. Hows that for confidence!?

Today i realized I could "fit" into an pre-pregnancy pair of pants. Translation: it fit over my butt without giving me a giant camel toe. (...buuuuut I still have to tie the top button with a hair thing).

Almost. almost.

What happended in your "today"?

team boo ♥'s you

wish-y wash-y

-I wish my body would dance as awesome it does in my brain.
-I wish tina fey and i were best friends.
-i wish i were an expert seamstress
-I wish my default outfit didn't include cutoff maternity pants.
-I wish I didn't have a worthless memory.
-I wish i were allergic to Adam's ridiculous milkshakes he makes almost nightly before bed
-i wish it were cute when I drooled (see above)

team boo ♥'s you
(and baby's Tarzan toes)

the 90's called...and it wants its groove back.

Today, being the first day of the new school year, I walked around aimlessly from room to room checking different clocks to ensure i didn't lose track of when to pick my kids up. By 3 o'clock I realized that not only did I get nothing substantial accomplished, but I wore a *mickey mouse t-shirt. ALL DAY. To me this is less about fashion a faux-pa and more just a crime against my basic life principles (and I DO mean all disrespect to any other "character" clothing on adults). I practically won't even let my kids wear a mickey mouse t-shirt (unless were IN Disneyland) Which brings me to a few burning questions for myself:

-first of all, why do i even own a mickey mouse shirt!?

-second, why is it on my body?

-and third, why haven't i set it on fire yet????

My misguided sense of myself these days, I fear, is making even those around me sad. I need to re-group...find my rhythm, and get a hold of myself...or I may run straight into the embrace of an argyle sweater vest and make nothing but hamburger helper for dinner. No wonder I've been in such a bad mood :/

*(Not to mention i both picked up and dropped both kids at their schools wearing this)

team boo ♥'s you (and other bloggers like Renee because she always knows just how to say it...and then make me feel all better :)

map shmap!

Something that i should be ashamed of but, regardless, am going to post riiiight here...

The other day Adam sauntered into my office with a crooked grin, and right away i knew this it was going to be bad or humiliating in one way or another...

ADAM: "Hey, can you tell me where Milwaukee is?"

(Awww crap...i thought, knowing that my skills of geography left much to be desired, but the competitor in me wasn't going to give up so soon)

ME: "I know that they have a team there called the Brewers" (hopeful this might impress him enough to let me off the hook). 

ADAM: "Yes, but what state do they play for?" (still with his antagonistic smile) 

(long pause......) 

ME: In a desperate attempt..."Okay, uuuuuuuuh, Vermont, no!....Philadelphia!!" i blubbered out.  

Needless to say, Adam got the laugh he was craving . For not only did i not know the state....my final guess was, in fact, another CITY (he tells me i'm "funny" but i am now certain that what he really means is: I'm funny when i'm dumb. He does love me FYI) Stupid Milwaukee, who lives there anyway??

But, now i know all i'll ever need to know about Milwaukee: they refer to their soft drinks appropriately as "soda" (instead of the nails on a chalkboard "pop") and the average high in September is a very non-arizona 73 degrees. Okay, so maybe it's not so stupid after all...'aina?' (a common phrase used there)...Okay nope, it's still pretty dumb.

Did you know the answer?? (besides you silly Wisconsin natives)

*also: at the time of "9.11" i thought the Pentagon (in Washington D.C.) was on the west coast...yikes! We all have weaknesses, geography is most definitely one of mine.