one sweet day.

After one's initial baby shower, all other subsequent ones are really just a reason for friends to get together with the mother-to-be before she is forced back into lactating hybernation (...or crotch rehab. or sleepless stay-cation. or hormonal prison...whatever you fancy). So last weekend when my sister Lisa was having her "last-girl-time-for-a-long-time-lunch-time" for her 4th baby we, as wise old seasoned mothers, decided it would be at a restaurant. without games. and without our previously fully celebrated kids. 

Elyott, being in between the kid age and pre-teen years, was crushed.

So, a couple hours before we had to leave, my mah-dre (pronounced with no accent) and i decided to take her to the nail salon for some cliche 80's movie montage girl time (cue the Cyndi Lauper on your walkman). 

Elyott and i waited forever! Do i have a weak chin? Was it the blue collar callouses on my hands? Like dogs and fear, i swear those nail techs knew that I had like seven dollars in my bank account...but those seven dollars were gonna pay for them to paint my daughter's chewed off nails in whatever hooker nail color she wanted gosh darnit! ("i said here's your one chance fancy don't let me dowwwwn") Instead of complaining, and to keep Elyott from playing with the freaky wax display hands, I decided to make a little "mommy daughter time" of my own. 

So just for funsies i jacked the cut off plastic tips from my moms acrylics (who by no coincidence does not have a students budget and got in right away. hmmm.) snuck some super glue and applied them shamelessly to elyott's fingernails. We painted them sparkly purple and spent the rest of the time taking pictures of her two finger eye frame posing and pretending to scratch the air with her two inch claws. If they were gonna ignore us then the least they could do was be cool with me using their scraps to play "jersey shore" with my 8 year old. They kinda were. But I'm pretty sure they were talking smack in another language at that really low decibel that only other nail techs and earth worms can detect. 
The best part of it all was when the owner guy came over to see if i was "still waiting for my polish" (code for "i can see you using my supplies you free loader") and then sat down at a nearby station to open some drawers and shut them like he was looking for something, I totally heard him softly singing along to the Mariah Carey they had playing in the background (the only american music that truly deserves all the gold and grandeur of a nail salon). To break the ice I playfully let him know that i totally just busted him singing along. He might have liked me a littIe more after that. Or maybe just the opposite? either one. 

After that Elyott forgot all about wanting to go to the baby shower and instead was excited to go show everyone her new nails that would completely retard her abilities for the next 45 minutes until she would desperately tear them off. And i was able to go to the baby shower kid free!

Oh and also i figured out why people can tell I am a teensie low budge.

team Boo 's you


cara. said...

i love you so much.

*see lactating hibernation through hormonal prison

Winslett said...

hey there! i love your funny blog and pop in most days to see what team boo funnies you have for me! : ) i made a mention of it on my little shop blog here:
i own a childrens personalized tee company, and this is a little blog i do just for fun through it. thanks for the smiles! maybe you will get some new readers trough the mention. ~winslett

stephANIE {NE} said...

a) I love your new masthead

b) I once made a music video to the song Fancy with my best friend. We didn't know it was about a hooker, and I played the mom. It was pretty much amazing-ness caught on VHS.

abby said...

crotch rehab. oh my gosh, i love you.

Annie Harper said...

Oh man I love your blog. Love.

P.S. on the blazer note, if you're still hunting, nordstrom's BP has some yummy (you bet) linen blazers in white, navy, and cream for $58. Not suuuper cheap, but seriously worth it. They are delish.

Swirls of Happy said...

I loved your "lactation hibernation" line. You rock sista! Great writing and great post as usual :) Xo

Toni said...

hahaha! You crack me up!! sooo funny, and cute!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...