make love not beds

2011 flashback

2012-01-02T05:30:00.000-07:00

Here are some links just in case your memory is as bad as mine:

1* 2 3 4* 5 6 7 8 9*

10 11 12 13 14

*see this post which demonstrates both #1 and 4
#9...coming soon

To flash back on our last flash back go here. Shut-up, its not overkill. it's just fun :)

Happy New Year!

team Boos ♥'s you

a very Dikefest christmas

2011-12-29T12:32:00.007-07:00

You've all had time to Christmas detox I hope. Please don't let this send you back into a yule tide tailspin. This just wouldn't be a true family blog without documenting the most wonderful time of the year ;) Plus it must be recorded in history that our little Sonny boy said his first legit phrase on Chirstmas day (he'll be two in one month) "eyy seh dooooooo!" (which is baby for "ready set go") I was so excited that i texted his speech therapist on the spot. Then yesterday he not only said, but simultaneously signed, "peease" (i can't help but clarify the obvious that he meant "please") It was the perfect gift! Now if we can just get him to say "momma" by Mother's day....

team Boo ♥'s you

moving forward.

2011-12-20T05:30:00.000-07:00

It's not that I particularly love my chin. I don't particularly hate it either. I mean...It's a chin (although adam's was a little pube-y). Yet there it has sat at the top of my page for weeks. Based on recent requests to change the "chin" picture, I am freshly posting. Thinking chinless thoughts. Are you getting scared that the subject of this post will be "chins"? (Complete with corny Chinese phonebook jokes). It probably won't be, but I never really plan ahead. For anything. Except children. But we're only about 66% on that.

The best was the time that i left the soft focus pregnant picture of myself for like 3 weeks. It wasn't just because that picture was dreamy and Delta Burke style awesome, but it marked the first time in months that i wasn't confined to my bed from pregnancy nausea. And i took a little break because the last thing i wanted to prove was how equally exciting my life was when I wasn't too sick even to watch Gilmore GIrls re-runs (did you even know suck a sickness level existed!? Me neither.)

Our update? Sonny still drags his cute, almost 2 year old, little legs around like your 9 month old. And refuses to say anything audible but "don don don!" (when he wants you to stop picking his nose) or "Wow" for most other things.

It makes sense though, since there art so many things to be impressed with around here. Like the 45 minutes we saved in November by keeping our Christmas lights stapled to our house since Christmas 2010. WOW. Or how I read three books, which is 300% more than i've read in the last 6 months. WOW. Or when we got our new (used) tandem bike i tried to jump off the back intending on clearing the wheel well, but instead landed in the giant wire basket i forgot was there, thus marking my hamstrings with large black basket shaped reminders of how big of a spaz i am. WOW. Hopefully my neighbors were watching.

Hope you are equally enjoying the season!

team Boo ♥'s you

not 30.

2011-11-28T06:00:00.000-07:00

I typically don't let myself honestly compare myself to other girls. For that habit is a risky little game. A healthy life-guaging amount yes, but not in a beat myself up kind of way. i generally like to make my life's shortcomings known and embrace them like a cheeky sidekick. And it is certainly opposite day of fair to even read Cakies blog around my birthday, because it happens to be right after her birthday. Every year it sets the movie standard of thoughtful gift giving, themed scavenger hunts and romantic adorableness that make kittens look like donkeys.

Now, I knew what i was getting into when Adam and i got married, and it did not include romantic warm fuzzies. True this: we are in love and compatible and insanely happy to be best friends with benefits everyday. But as i looked down at my birthday breakfast in bed burrito and 3 musketeers bar garnished with secondhand candles that spelled out "hairy", i thought how nice it would be if Cakies husband could coach Adam on how to think about a wife's birthday sooner than 10 minutes before she wakes up. Maybe it's my own birthday karma?? In his defense I am very low maintenance, but next time at least try and spell out less offensive anagram of the leftover "hap birtday" letters. At least.

He's lucky i didn't turn 30 this year. And that his birthday is 3 weeks after mine (so he set his own lame standard). And that he unknowingly ordered me a pair of new camel colored ankle boots that i got a little late, but i forgive him since he has such good taste (wink).

...And also i really like burritos.

team Boo ♥'s you

better late than...even later

2011-11-18T05:35:00.000-07:00

"Hey Late-y"...as in i'm late for most things. Not to be confused with "Lady" which is usually what people think i'm saying when i declare this.

Like how I had Sheamus's party one month late and am just now writing about it. (On Elyott's 5th birthday we had her birthday party in July. Her birthday is in January*) On Sheamus's birthDAY, since it was his "golden birthday", we gave him a golden trophy...naturally. Never mind that it was a baseball player that i scrounged it from a neighbor. He's a sucker for "gold th-wings". (Don't you just want to bite his cute face off when he talks!?)

(birthday "favor" coupons from Elyott)

Ok so a few months ago, one of my ~~overachieving~~ friends (who also, might i add, is never late) threw an amazing Lego party for her 6 year old. Complete with a homemade Lego pinata, Lego themed games, homemade Lego font banners, and custom actual lego piece invitations you have to put together to find out the deets of the party (which sheamus still has displayed proudly on his headboard) It was a perfectionist's dream! You know who you are...Jerkface*.

As his own birthday neared, Sheamus and I talked about what we could do for his party. He hinted that not only wanted his party to be Lego themed, he wanted it to be identical to this one.

Fast forward 4 weeks and 4 times the parental shame later, we finally threw him a last minute surprise party (a surprise to hopefully distract form the fact that we had zero plans and were a month late). Party invites were texted, no organized games were devised, a few balloons hung (that my Lego profesh friend did since i spazzed out at the last second, and called her to help me as if i had a latex allergy). I simply bought a lego cake and a bunch of lego mini-figures for the party guests to play tradesies, fingers crossed...

Total flipping hit.

I was the first party i wasn't a micromanaging maniac. At one point in the chaos of the party Sheamus motioned that he wanted to tell me something... and when i knelt down he whispered softly in my ear "thanks for my surprise party mom. i love it." And then it was set in stone...It really was the best party EVER (even if it wasn't). My boy was shyly beaming (in true Sheamus fashion) and my heart was a puddle on the floor.

What is the lesson here folks? To procrastinate and then do a crappy job when you execute your plans? To be an underachiever and then ridicule the strengths of the friends you absolutely admire?? To shelter your kids from other moms who are way more awesome than you are??? Tempting, but No.

The lesson here is: 6 year olds don't give a crap about "flare" (as long as they get presents). My unwarranted advice: calm the H down and don't go all nut job sewing custom party favor bags until 1 in the morning for any child under the age of say...10. Because there is a good chance that instead of acknowledging your insane labors of love (and they are insane), they are probably only gonna remember that one time the blue Lego cake they ate turned their poop green.

Of course none of you will listen to this and you will continue planning your 1 year olds birthday circus extravaganza, complete with a petting zoo, and midgets. Its because, like addicts, we all have to come to this realization on our own. Just call me when you hit rock bottom, and we can swap our stories of crazy.

team Boo ♥'s you

*E doesn't remember a thing. booyah.

*I am fully aware that this friend is reading this, and will never let me hear the end of it.

And finally (speaking of late) before I commit entirely to November, i have to share with you just how weird my kids are. This was the first year we actually carved pumpkins (as opposed to drawing on them with markers. Another one of my sweet "shortcuts") and they were basically gagging the whole time. Except for Sonny of course who ate the pumpkin guts right off the floor. Good times.

jagged little pill

2011-11-09T06:00:00.000-07:00

We all remember the Alanis Morrisette "Irony" debacle of '95, and we've all second guessed our use use of the word since then. With that said, here are a few bits of my life in the last few weeks that may or may not be actual irony but are worth remembering:

My super ugly $9 anti-headache computer glasses that make me look like Winnie from Wonder Years (circle faces unite!) But the cool kids say really ugly things are just ironic enough to be cool. If that is true, these are just short of "ugly-enough" and really are actually just ugly.

Sonny looks cute in them though...

I am finally taking a digital photography class, but I never take pictures of the things of my life anymore! Not even of the huge Halloween party I helped create last week...sad. On top of that, I never made it home to "freshen up" before it started so I was stuck in my running shoes, cut offs and mesh hat for the whole thing like a total idiot. Whenever I go through the trouble of making something look great I end up looking like a total freak.

For Halloween Adam dressed up like a pimp. He has a gold track suit that he pretty much wears every year on either Halloween (or for Christmas morning which is classy) He thought i should go as a prostitute, you know...so we'd match...walking our KIDS around our neighborhood to trick or treat...as a pimp...and prostitute. Nice.

Instead I decided I would go as the late Amy Winehouse*. You know, big hair, thick eyeliner....obviously not a prostitute! All my neighbors thought I was a prostitute anyway. Shocker. In retrospect, i probably could have rebelled against his plan with a little more enthusiasm...a clown? maybe a unicorn? (Again no pictures)

Lastly...believe it or not, Sonny is actually watching Oprah here:

Just kidding he is totally watching Mickey Mouse Club House.

Duh.

team Boo ♥'s you

*(I chickened out on the missing side teeth, i don't generally like spending time looking ugly on purpose. Only accidentally, on most days and with little to no effort.)

break out.

2011-10-17T13:56:00.000-07:00

This is a post where I pinky promise not to talk about school (and pinky promises are pretty legit around these parts).

Wanna know what is really dumb about birds? They have one of the most awesome and rare abilities of all living animals, so i swear they are just being cocky when they swoop in front of moving cars and do sneaky dangerous things rubbing it in our faces like little jerks. But sometimes this invincible attitude breaks their cute little necks. Like the three birds who in an hour span that tragically ran into the glass windows near the pool of the Mexican hotel we stayed in last week. They have all this open space to fly over the ocean and land on quaint rooftops and they choose to fly straight into reflective glass. Immediate deadness. What idiots. Poor cute little idiots.

You wanna know who else is poor and cute and NOT an idiot (but his parents are)? My Sonny bear. Sweet baby fell backward off a high bed and got a concussion on the tile floor in Mexico. Being in a poor country is a scary place to be injured, especially when the injured one is your baby. After an hour of persistent head trauma induced vomiting (i scary) we got the H out of there and back to the US. We had a long 4 hours of a vomiting and lethargic Sonny. Finally we checked him into the our local children's hospital (for the second time this year!) where a CT scan and an overnight stay deemed his little nugget safe to go on thinking about his hippopotamus and laughing at sound effects and doing all sorts of classic Sonny things. I feel sad for the people of Puerto Penasco (and many other places in the world) that only have old school x-ray machines (if that) to check their sweet babies "concussed" heads. What a helpless feeling it would be to not know how to help your hurt baby :(

I am thankful that Sonny is okay, I really feel like we dodged a bullet. Besides he needs to keep all his brains in tip top shape for his upcoming therapies. You see Sonny has a few "developmental delays". Which is the official and much scarier way of saying he can't talk or walk and doesn't do much in the way of communicating besides a scream here or there (and laughing of course). He is 20 months. When I was younger I babysat a 3 year old kid that just force grunted/screamed at everything, and the thought of that Sonny acting anything like that kid gives me mini PTSD. The docs are almost certain it's not autism, and that some early intervention therapies should boost his abilities. I'll keep you posted (whether you like it or not ;) on his progress as we get further into his treatment.

Anyway i barely got any pictures while we were in Mexico :( like 5. So i guess this picture of my cute Elyott above (whom i saw for about three minutes while we were there) none of Sheamus (who counted down the days sixteen times a day until we got to go home from our "field trip". Total home-body.) and this one below of my sweet Sonny Delight playing with his barf bag in the hospital will have to do.

The next two weeks I will be in church Halloween party mode. The annual event where i wear the same cutoff jean shorts with a box cutter in my back pocket for two weeks straight. Did i mention i look gorgeous? cause i mega don't. but it goes with the scary theme, right?

team Boo ♥'s you

fall shmall.

2011-10-07T05:00:00.000-07:00

Ever wonder how people in the armpits of the world mentally survive the anti-Fall? They sink into a deep denial where they are safe eating hot tortilla soup and wearing fleece like the rest of you, with a few tricks:

1. Play in grass clippings instead of leaves (warning: may cause itchiness and ant bites)

2. Wear layers the second it dips below 80 (and then rip them all off in a sweaty rage when noon rolls around)

Today it was 76 F. (monotoned) brrrrrr.

Don't worry though, next week will be back up to the usual inappropriate 90's.

3. When all else fails, you watch a lot of Harry potter, and do Harry Potter-y/magic things. Actually most british movies do the trick (minus the ones starring Jason Statham).

Happy Fall-ish!

team Boo ♥'s you

(un) Funny Girl

2011-09-26T14:05:00.000-07:00

*(not funny)

Soooooo....What the "H" boo?
What happened to blogging through your school fog? liar.

That's me.
A fatty fat fatty overshooting liar.
Actually i wasn't lying, cause i still have plans, and the intent is pure.
but i'm gathering momentum and skillz.
(momentum and skillz? sounds cryptic...and a lot like another lie.)

The good thing about school? more frequent (socially pressured) showering.
The bad? There is no time for anything else (that doesn't have a pulse and live in my house).

It's hard to learn serious crap and make "awesome jokes". Unless it's at someone else's expense, which i don't like to do ~~publically~~ (like the adorable old lady-teenage-apple doll in my class who at her ripe old apple doll age never fails to be age-inappropriately dressed. Complete with half up half down long hair and jean mini skirts) I don't really feel like I can bust out joke-less posts around here any more. I set the tone and now i am married to it. (Wow, I think i just broke my horn's tooting chain. yay metaphors!) It's just that I'm feeling a bit comically retarded at the moment (please no one email me about cavalierly using the word "retarded").

Okay so scratch that, i'm not saying i am so awesome and funny. Let's instead say weird, humorously awkward?...okay, idiotic (said in boring voice). Unfortunately these clssasic "d-list knee slappers" (?) have been violently displaced from my brain by the square roots of standard deviations and polyatomic ions . I'll give you 10 dollars if you can make a joke out of that. And you can't say "your face is a standard deviation" cause i already tried that.

(it works every time, and also never).

...you could tell me some of your funny stories/funny things you've seen on the web (minus animal videos. I exhausted that avenue last week).

team Boo ♥'s you

animals being dicks.

2011-09-13T10:04:00.001-07:00

Even though 1 dollar fish tacos at Rubio's is a great reason to look forward to Tuesdays...It's still possible you need this today.

team Boo ♥'s you

deep in my heart...the thunder rolls

2011-09-11T06:00:00.000-07:00

"who disturbs my cookie tiiime" -random quote by sheamus/elyott/man/boy

(i thought kids only did this in movies??)

Tonight we had a classic AZ thunderstorm. The kind where the thunder never stops rolling (and that Garth Brooks song won't stop replaying in your mind). I stood outside trying to catch a lightning photo for my class, and I stand before you this day vowing never to make fun of a cheesy lightning picture again. Those suckers are so very sneaky. I barely got one (a crappy one), and I basically took 4 thousand pictures. Maybe I'm missing something? maybe it's really easy to do, and the minute i figure it out, I can switch back to being unimpressed with lightning photos (we all know lightning photos are a gateway drug to wearing wolf shirts).

Speaking of being dramatic, I don't know why I can't bring myself to officially divulge what I'm studying in school (a few of you have asked). Probably cause it's boring to blog about. I suppose you'll just hear snippets here and there about my education (SUSPENSE!) Also cause its awkward when I start telling a friend something in person and then I can see it in their eyes:

A. they are feigning a first time reaction
("that is Brand New information")
and
B. it's cause they read it on my blog

Like that frigging blazer post. I feel like I can't wear it without feeling so contrived. So if you see me in a blazer this fall let's just have a code word* so we can have a mutual understanding that I know you read about it, and you know I know you are gonna pretend you don't know, but by saying the code word we can just move on and talk about much more interesting things...like my school schedule ;) That, or just don't look me in the eyes.

*Lately, I keep wanting to save time and make code words with people (Adam) and they never take me seriously. Let's do this! code word: "BLAZING SADDLES" (i guess that's two code words)

I'm in a weird mood.

must be the electricity in the air.

team Boo ♥'s you

WWUJD? (what would Uncle Jessie Do?)

2011-09-07T11:49:00.003-07:00

Right now i'm in one of those ruts where i'll do just about anything besides finish my chemistry lab (due today). So i've cleaned the kitchen, played all my words with friends moves, gone through the DVR to record all the Mickey Mouse Clubhouses for Sonny. Eaten three more homemade bacon and cheese biscuits than i should have, read a few blogs and now here i am...blogging about it.

Yesterday i implemented a few of my new strategic blog moves and had my kids help me with some other homework (above). That homework turned out pretty cute if you ask me. It was actually really fun and i only used my serious photo directing voice like twice.

Then to be fair i helped elyott with her homework (instead of just plopping her at a table and threatening her with homeschool, complete with homemade prairie dresses) I was on hand for questions and support, while i simultaneously and uncharacteristically made fresh biscuits (same as above) wearing my homemade prairie dress (of course).

Homework got finished, the bonds of love were strengthened...It was like the end of a Full house episode about family teamwork (complete with the canned "awwwwws" that ends in a freeze-framed three way high five)

Now if i could just find a way to make my chemistry homework not the soul sucking lamest. If only i had two random uncles that lived with me to help me solve my problems...

team Boo ♥'s you

opportunist

2011-09-05T05:00:00.000-07:00

today Sonny took matters into his own hands, and fed himself a nectarine Mr. Peepers style while I wasn't looking.

But he had so much fun in his bath...

...he snuck in a round two.

He guarded those things like a ferrel cat. I think he even pulled a baby switch blade when i tried to open the peel.
Sure.
He'll devour two disgusting bananas...but gags when he touches a toy koosh ball??

so much for the banana bread i was planning ;)

team Boo ♥'s you

always something there to remind me.

2011-09-01T13:50:00.002-07:00

My life (especially these days) is filled with baby steps. Baby steps to the kids bedrooms to convince them to wake up even though i want to curse the morning along with them. Baby steps to the gym when my brain knows i have no time in the day to be there. Baby steps through the bazillions of chapters i am supposed to be reading...baby steps to mothering three kids (which recently has been reduced to "being in the same vicinity of them in case there is a fire and they need to be swiftly evacuated" and an occasional PB&J sandwich) If i think of it as a whole my walls start to close in and i impulsively organize my junk drawer which solves nothing (and everything?) but as a tiny unit i can slam em down one by one before it all melts my face off.

(Wah wah,right? this is where you roll your eyes at the trite everyday complains of a working or student/parent.) Blah blah blah, my point is: blogging is the most logical time sucker to eliminate...or is it?

Today during Sonny's nap time i had four choices. Do laundry (a major baby stepping effort), reconnect in blog world (a world that will chew you up and spit you out if your not careful) shower (ha!) or study (never ending). I chose laundry (Snoooring) OH! but then i also chose blogging, yay! (brown noser)....man you're a tough crowd. This is me reaching out from my dark hole...reaching for my creative-ish expression, reaching for my last grip on remembering that my life is funny and reasons why (so reachy all of the sudden). That is my main reason for blogging, by the way. To look for stories in my days. To give the blob of hours relevance, turn the annoying things my kids do and make see them as eghem "cute", and all around keeping my perspective light. When i don't blog all of the sudden my kids stop saying funny things, things around stop being ridiculous, wildlife stops prancing across my front lawn*. Then there are gaps in my (seemingly mindless) story. Gaps are no good (unless they are in your two front teeth in which case i love them).

And then what is the point of improving my life though education if i am numbing the life i have to get there? (you have to be all "deep" and stuff when you're in college, you know).

If blogging must serve as the red string around my finger then so be it. Come mid October i will have loads more time on my hands (and learning chemistry will be 86ed from my life forever! though i will still have 15 credit hours of school :/ ) For now I am devising a new master plan to weave my studies into mothering (with the exception of chemistry) and (like always) mothering into blogging (something along the lines of making it a part of my homework assignments for my art classes??) "Impossible!" shout the tiny naysayers that live on my shoulders.

Can it be done? (probably not, but...) with baby steps i can try. A girl can always try.

(*Funny Farm reference: where they are trying to move away from crazy town so they stage all these wonderful things in order to sell their house (deer running outside while showing the house) but eventually with this new perspective on what that little town is capable of they fall in love with it again. Something like that anyway...its been a while.)

team Boo ♥'s you

teamBoo flash back

2011-08-25T20:41:00.001-07:00

Remember when my baby was defenseless?
(Ah the good ole’ days when Sonny couldn’t get away from me ;)

Sweet Lauren, over in the pregnancy section of Babble, recently walked me down memory lane (my lane is really short)...(wavy dream clouds)...I remember my little meatball all sweet and compliant...how edible he made every shot and how hard it was to choose my favorite...how fun it was coming up with scenes that word played with his name. And mostly how sweaty i got puling it all together. (giant sigh) good times.

…thanks for the shout out Lauren (you always have my back giiirl)

p.s. still getting the school thing locked down. if you are having teamBoo withdrawals (don't lie), just go find the nearest 10 year old boy and talk to him. That should tide you over :)

team Boo ♥'s you

passive me aggressive you

2011-08-16T10:10:00.001-07:00

Sometimes when a guy walks wingmanless into a conversation of girls i like to immediately switch the conversation topic to tampons. First of all it gives even the cleverest of men an immediate temporary lobotomy. Second, it never takes more than three seconds for them to see themselves right out of the convo for higher and less awkward ground (which I always find hilarious).

Like men and menstruation, my soul has a similar reaction to the looming reality of "routine". But every new school year we meet again like dueling idiots (actually routine is smart and winning and i am the dummy) Instead of realizing how much simpler it can make my life and accepting it's practicality, i tense up and become useless. Or like the tampon fearing men I know, when a schedule starts to take form, i walk in the opposite direction to "somewhere i was gonna go anyway" but then I accidentally take a nap or something.

Last week my kids started the daily grind of school (suckers). And next week so will I (super sucker). Poetic timing considering the fact that I spelled "Kindergarten" wrong on Sheamus's sign. holy smokes.

For me this yearly tradition is a blessing and a curse...Curse? I feel guilt for not managing my now fractioned time with them perfectly. Or for getting up every morning before my body wills it so. Or for having to crack the whip on their freedom to play by enforcing daily chores, reading, homework and bedtimes. Boring!...but it must be done, or they'll become lazy stupes yadda yadda.

Blessing? T-I-M-E. Time to chip away at my own schooling, work my shleppy body back out of my "thanksgiving" pants, spend some one on one with my sonny boy, and do a few projects. And of course the fact that my kids are lucky enough to be out getting an education. Away from the mom who talks about tampons to be intentionally awkward and misspelled Kindergarten :)

hooray for school.

team Boo ♥'s you

Cap-i-to-la

2011-08-09T08:01:00.000-07:00

*(The first time i wore this hat, Sheamus looked up from his legos so casually and said "well hello Perry the platypus.")

We got off to a rough start. One hay truck fire, 2 luggage carriers flying off roof rack onto the middle of the highway, 4 hour delay in what ended up being a 16 hours drive later...we arrived in NorCal (which might be our family's only standing tradition?). I am pretty easy to please on vacaysh as long as my kids aren't barfing and no one makes me have a "plan". Plans make me hate plans, and planners and planning. You'd think as a secret agent (*Perry the platypus) I would always have a plan. But that is where Perry and I differ you see. I'm crazy like that.

(how much does "plan" sound like a pretend word now?)

Sonny is also easy to please. As long as he had sand shoved into every hole of his face, he was happy. He would prop himself up head/face down like an ostrich and run his fingers through it for hours. He didn't even care when it was crusted around his eyes and running with snot into his mouth. He was so shabby. Some lady who wanted to help the poor lost baby find his irresponsible mother changed her mind about picking him up when she feared she might contract a disease. i laughed as i watched her inner struggle from 20 feet away.

Just like the summers i went there when i was 14...we had bonfires, rode roller coasters, ate ice cream, taffy and SO much garlic pizza, laid out, visited with family, gagged at all the expensive old lady linen clothing boutiques and looked for hot guys. It was perfect.

Unlike the summers i went there when i was 14...i went to bed at a very reasonable 10 o'clock, wanted to vomit after the one ride i went on, got a major garlic headache, tanned my legs only, cooked for family, read books and watched my kids have treasure hunts and eat sand (sonny) while lounging with my lover. It was perfect.

and yes.
this is the only full family photo we managed to take in those 7 days.
total dummies.

team Boo ♥'s you

Not so different you and I

2011-08-08T10:40:00.001-07:00

You know what is so annoying about blogs? It seems like everyone is always going on vacations...gag, right? I realize posting about the CA trip I'm on now just makes me a total B-hole. So instead of gloating about eating funnel cakes on the boardwalk and reading Bossypants on the beach until I almost peed - it might make you happy to know that, no matter how many vacations i've taken this summer, my kid still diarrheas when he eats too many blueberries...and I still have crotch biscuits*. Mine just might be a little tanner than yours is all.

*Tina Fey for "inner thigh fat" (thanks Taylor :)

team Boo ♥'s you

family Jeopardy

2011-07-28T05:30:00.011-07:00

This year for Adam's sibling family reunion we played a family Jeopardy game (a.k.a. Dikefest 2011). Clearly I looked nothing like Alex Trebec, but I was able to create a similarly cheesy game show host effect by fashion a toupee-like coif with my two toned hair*. Some of the younger contestants didn't even know it was me (ha! kids can be so dumb).

If you have a family gathering coming up...play this game! You won't regret it. It took a little preparation, but between Facebook and a few peeks off of Grandma's ole' genealogy records, I was able to find some good info. Like a jerk, you might get an occasional fact wrong or start to sweat uncharacteristically, so you must be prepared to improvise. It's just fun, don't over think it.

To get your ball rolling here are the categories we used:

-Odd man out (groups of family members and they figure out who is missing)

-Blogos (I show a picture, they name who the blog header or business logo pertains to)

-You're Hired (I say a job title, they tell me which family member has worked that job. This one was funny...the things people do to get by)

-Triple Bull Whip (I say the nickname(s) they tell me which family members it is. this one is fun for the kids)

-M.A.S.H (i show you the initials they give the full name of the person they think it is)

-It's a Date! (i show a date, they name why it's significant...birthday, anniversary etc.)

-Whiskers on Kittens (I show a group of favorite things - they guess who's they are)

-Eye see you (I show picture of a pair of eyes they name who they belong to...this is a favorite. kids rock at this one)

*It is not required that the host look like an idiot to have fun, but it helps!

team Boo ♥'s you

boo does Europe (in 6 minutes)

2011-07-25T10:01:00.005-07:00

The last day of our trip we rented a car and braved the opposite day roads of the English countryside. It was both incredible and terrifying. You have to understand I am used to seeing cacti and monochromatic tan when i drive, so this just seemed too amazing to be real. Also I can count the number of times on one hand that I have seen my step dad get mad, and the best ones are definitely while in the car. Like once when my brother kept hitting the back of his chair with one of those blow up hammers and finally, in one fail swoop, he yanked it out of his hands and ripped it open with his teeth. It was awesome, and we'll never let him live it down. He was a bit stressed driving unfamiliar roads in an unfamiliar car on the wrong side of the car and street, but he drove like a champ and we all made it out unscathed. hooray.

We drove up to York and had a blast visiting some of my moms cousins, and then to Derbyshire to find my mom's childhood home. The owners were so nice and showed us all around. I know it meant a lot to my mom and was a sweet and meaningful way to round out the trip. Go to England! (also take me with you) It is the tits.

Does it make me a b-hole if i secretly cringe when people ask me about my vacations? It's not that i mind sharing, it's just the generic question "how was your trip?" (especially when i'm up to my face in laundry) Plus I can't tell if you actually really want to know that i ran out of socks half way in and had to keep washing them in the hotel sink, or if you just want to know that it was "awesome" so you can roll your eyes whenever i complain about life. You know, we all have our things - and as long as were telling secrets, i also hate calls on my birthday. boo. My point is, i'm glad i have this blog to save me from being annoyed with you, and for you to censor the details you don't give a crap about :)

It is inevitable that i will be kicking myself after every trip wishing i had taken more video footage. I'm sad I had to flesh this one out so much with slideshow...but what's done is done.

Of course there is really no way to express my gratitude fully, this video is my "thank you" to my awesome parents who made this amazing trip happen. I love you guys! thank you thank you thank you thank you.....have a nice day.

boo does Europe from team boo on Vimeo.

How sick are you (carly) of hearing about my kid free Europe trip? This is the last post i promise, but feel free to watch on repeat while you secretly (openly?) hate my guts.

team Boo ♥'s you

old blighty

2011-07-22T17:36:00.006-07:00

Since we have mortgages and children, the trip did actually have to come to an end. And what a better place to end it than London! A quick chunnel ride from France and i found myself in my new favorite place on earth (besides Disneyland and this one taco stand in Mazatlan) The place where adorable taxis, red telephone booths, crooked teeth and Jude Law run free.

This first picture is funny to me because i was taking a self portrait in Hyde Park and this dude walks by and says in broken English "do you want me to take your picture so you can have a better face?" Oh that's okay sir, believe it or not, this is the face i am stuck with.

Remember my blog friend and "non drag queen" Renee? Well a couple months ago she asked her friends to vote for her brother's band (I Am We) who were finalists in a Hard Rock contest. Like a good wannabe BBFF i did. Story over, good luck Renee's brother, right? Wrong because guess who's real face i recognized from his internet face in front of Westminster Abbey? Re-nee's brother!! (said in unison) I asked him if he had a sister Renee (to be sure he and his cute wife were clear that i was her weirdo groupie not his) Turns out his band won a trip to London to play in Hyde park. I blubbered something crazy about "watching his sister online" and something sarcastic (shocker) about their band being there because of my vote (har har)...you know, to really drive the awkwardness home. Then I muscled my way in the middle of them for a picture with fanny pack in hand.

Did i mention i am really cool on the spot? Cause i was lying.

The Tower of London was my favorite place we went in the city. I wish i could go back since i only saw about half of it. As an American, it's always trippy when something was built before the 1986 let alone the 1200's. There is so much to see there and so many (one...the Tudors.) loosely historical showtime series to rent afterward and pretend like you know everything about English history.* Plus now that i am so well traveled, i am probably a lot smarter than you, sooooooooo.

Big Ben-ch*

Stay tuned for England part 2 as we tour the english countryside (where fake looking landscapes and wrong side of the road driving through roundabouts claim 2600 tourists lives each year*)

*Also my mom is from England so (via my blood) i am basically an expert. Unless having never read the Harry Potter series trumps blood. In which case i know nothing.

*cool joke credit: brother-in-law jason

*this is a guess based purely on my fear for my life whilst driving through it in our rental car.

team Boo ♥'s you

salt in my wound

2011-07-20T18:33:00.004-07:00

I have been eyeing Saltwater sandals for Elyott for at least 4 years now. Every time i go to buy them i just can't bring myself to spend 40 bucks on kids sandals. Mostly cause i know that it won't change the fact that she tucks her t-shirts into her stretch pants. This summer i almost took the plunge and bought her some from j crew. Again, i got cold feet and decided to wait.

And booyah to the universe cause, wouldn't you know, that very same week i found some mint condition saltwater sandals at the thrift store in her exact size with the 1980's Mervyns sticker still attached!!

"Ha! my frugality has finally been validated!" i thought. I paid the 4 dollars with my middle finger and cartwheeled my way home to show off my goods. Even more amazing was that Elyott approved! "Try them on" i urged with my stupid faced Wallace and Gromit grin. They fit!

annnnnd....SNAP!

Turns out old leather doesn't age well. I kept them around a few days in denial hoping there would be some way to will the fibers back together with my sorrow, but all it did was piss me off more. Not only did she not have the cute shoes to wear but i was out 4 bucks that i could have put toward new ones (i still wouldn't have) okay so at least some gas station nachos or something.

Basically there is no moral to this story. Except for maybe the fact that the universe doesn't give a kitten's fart about what i do or don't buy for my 8 year old's feet. In which case i would say "touche' universe"

BUT then again maybe it does care, and it just really hates those shoes?? Either way...$2 Old Navy flip flops it is!

team Boo ♥'s you

Par-ie part 2

2011-07-14T14:50:00.006-07:00

Now that i've been to the Louvre twice, i've probably seen about 25% of it. Maybe. Here i am 11 years and about 30 lbs ago :) Last times I was in Europe I lost 8 pounds in 2 weeks. That did NOT happen this time. Ah, good times.

My hands down favorite thing in Paris is the royal palace at Versailles (well technically it's in Versailles, but whatev) It is the estate of what became the ill fated King Louis the 16th and his once publicly loved Marie Antoinette. It is such a fascinating palace and story. And to think it was almost torn down after the rebellion. It has almost no furniture but the walls and ceilings speak for themselves...those royals were a class act.

My mom was bascially a 14 year old boy with all the stone genitalia we saw in Europe. That probably answers a lot of your questions about me.

The Luxembourg gardens were amazing, but I spent so much time trying to get a picture of this beat down pigeon's brain back that i forgot to get good pictures of the rest of the park before it closed. I think if you have to have your guts falling out of your body, then you might as well live out your final days at the Luxembourg. Smart little street rat. I did get a few videos of me tap dancing while we were there though. So between that and the zombie bird, we can all tell i clearly have a knack for priorities.

My favorite planking memory in France was when my little brother tried it in Versailles and got yelled at by some crazy french lady :/ The one above was particularly tricky since this escalator was on an incline. And the answer to your question is: YES. This definitely hurt my boobs.

By this time in the trip I was pretty breaded out and was dreaming hourly of tacos (or some equally delicious form of hamburger meat). Also I will never take all the free wi fi for granted again. Even our fancy pants hotel didn't hook us up. I didn't get to talk to my munchkins the whole time i was in France!

Paris is a very cool city. Not as glamorous as people romanticize it to be (but maybe that's was just my manly blazer talking ;) but still very well worth a visit. It is strange because there are like 4 colors in the entire city. But it still managed to be very beautiful. Go to there, you won't regret it, but then take a train to Italy and never look baaaack!

One more country party people...

team Boo ♥'s you

better off French

2011-07-13T06:38:00.003-07:00

Bon-jor (no accent). Now that i'm writing about my trip from home it feels way more annoying to act Fronch. Not that i really did it there. France was much more beautiful and clean than i remember. It is probably because the first time i went i was on a senior trip staying in seedy hotels with hairballs in the beds, and this time we stayed at the Hilton Arc de Triomphe. I felt like Eloise (minus the ratty hair)...cozy robes, running up the stairs to beat my brothers in the elevator (i lost) and sleeping on a feather dream of a bed. Much appreciated after a long night on the train. I was so fancy you wouldn't have even believed my fronchiness. If Adam were there I would have totally Fronch kissed his face off right in the lobby. But only cause we were in Paris, cause otherwise gross.

(my cute mom)

First stop: Eiffel tower! (smaller than i remembered) We got to the top right at sunset. Which was perfect because last time I went it was dark :/ It was so crowded though that we managed to get separated from my parents in the some 1500 square feet at the top?? We caught one of the few metros home before they shut down due to some local rioting in the streets. Bottles flying. Men fighting. total bananas. I scary.

Some equally sketchy dude on the metro asked if i wanted a picture with him. I didn't cause i figured it was some new weird way to get tourists money, or pickpocket them (which by the way "you got to pick a pocket or two" was stuck in my head about 95% of my trip) Anyway it turns out he was "looking for a new girlfriend because his other one can't stop the 'coca' and he has been clean for 11 days." As enticing as it was to fill those shoes, i opted for just the picture :)

Since my parents were total Metro spazzes they caught one of the last trains BUT ended up miles from where they needed to be. Due to the street fighting they could not catch a cab and ended up walking home until 3:30 in the morning. Talk about midnight in Paris!

We visited the Notre Dame too. I gave my little brothers the option of having me tap dance the rest of the way there or acting like a hunchback. They chose the tap dancing. I think the latter would have been more appropriate (more offensive?) but whatever. Either way both refused to walk next to me.

(You'll have to excuse my brother chris, no one ever showed him how to not make a handicapped face in pictures.)

Can you believe that I didn't even remember to eat an eclair while i was there!? What a dummy! I even took the advice and looked up this little fronchy place that the fabulously stylish and newly Parisian Jordan Ferney recommended. So, if you are going to Paris go there and eat one for me! strike that....if we're gonna do this eat at least 5 for me (i have no will power).

p.s. It was finally cool enough to wear my blazer too. Except i don't like how butch i look in all the pictures with it implemented. It was seriously so hot in Italy and Spain and i was starting to feel a little dumb for building it up so much before i left (okay so its still dorky that i did) Cause now when i wear it here people are like "SOOO, is that the one!?" and then i'm like "aw this old thing...um well yes" and then i am annoyed with myself that i share such dumb things on such a public forum. Where was i?? Paris! yes....I intentionally didn't pack the classic stripes because that would be trying to hard since i was also toting a honking camera and "fanny" (I totally snobbed at the tourists who did. shhh)

p.p.s. if you are not drooling from boredom (or jealousy) come back to read Paris part deux tomorrow. It involves a little more tap dancing and a lot more immaturity.

team Boo ♥'s you

back in black

2011-07-11T12:18:00.003-07:00

I am home!

(No i haven't been in europe this whole time) Looking forward to getting back on track...going for a run, getting some one on one with my kids, editing my pictures, making out with Adam and blogging! (in no particular order).

But today...I am gonna get crap done

So you'll have to wait a wee bit longer :)
And i can't wait to read up on you guys! i just tried to start and then i got really overwhelmed and emotionally ate some ice cream instead. Why do i feel like i need to read every post i missed? I am feeling left out and I don't even know you! geez. turbo loser.

team Boo ♥'s you

Tu Vuò Fa' L'Americano

2011-06-19T13:42:00.006-07:00

Ciao i miei amici! We are in Italy. Florence (Tuscany) to be exact. Made famous by many things: Botticelli's Venus, birthplace of Leonardo Da Vinci, El Duomo, extra virgin olive oil, Michelangelo's Statue of David and now apparently lots of souvenirs with poor Davey's genitals. Leave it up to the 21 century to be a total 6th grader about such a respectable piece of art. So let me know if you'd like a pornographic apron or some totally awkward boxer shorts...mmm-k.

Then there is the food. OH the food! Any calories i saved passing on the paella in Spain, i've made up for by eating my weight in thin crust pizza, gelato and croissants dipped in nutella. Without the constant walking i would be doomed!

Then there is the obligatory Pisa shot where you hold it up like you are gonna fix it to be cute and silly, and even if you don't want to conform you know just standing in front of it the picture is too dumb so you do it anyway. And then you do one where you hold it up with your tounge ...and then your head just so you feel a little more original (you're still not) and then you get squeezed out of the way by a group of old Asian ladies.

All the vendors here want your attention too (of course) But instead of gimmicks they rely on romantic flattery. "Ciao Bella" they'll say. But then when you don't buy their 15 euro mini camera tripod you are not only not beautiful but you should also go "eff yourself". Very short relationships these Italians ;)

(my little brother won best "italian plank"

He actually walked up the wall like that!)

Really though, a lot of Italians are pleasant, emotional, but pleasant. And to be fair, the tourists here are like rats. I even saw one walk obliviously right out in front of a local guy riding his bike which cause him to flip forward onto the street. poor guy. dumb tourist.

So far hasn't been uncommon to see local strangers arguing on the street (big exaggerated arms included) and then so many others kissing cheeks and holding hands with their old mothers. Many speak very good english...and also pop their collars (I don't think its as douchy here as it is in the US)

Basically Italy is exactly as you imagine it would be. Everything is picturesque! Boyfriends ride their girlfriends sidesaddle on the cross bar of their bicycles, sounds of old men playing accordians in the streets, young men arm in arm chanting Italian "fight songs" holding their team flag on their way to a Calcho Historico (a hybrid game of ultimate fighting and soccer. yikes) held in the city center. Plus today I saw a MIME! It doesn't get more cliche than that. Except maybe in France...we'll see.

p.s. my orange boots have turned out to be the only shoes i packed that my feet aren't vehemently rejecting so please excuse the fact that i wear them and a fanny pack (it's SO practical!) in every picture.

team Boo ♥'s you

¡viva madrid!

2011-06-18T16:30:00.000-07:00

stop number one on our trip...

Madrid, Spain!

After about the 40th photo of us standing smiling in front of "some cool building" we decided we would branch out a bit. i am still learning the ropes of my new (refurbished) canon 60Dcamera. It was my mothers day slash christmas (from both sets of parents) slash birthday present (twice). I cant fake knowing how to use it yet (via jazzy editing tricks) since im on the hotel computer. Nor can i find the apostrophe on this spanish keyboard...or spell check apostrophe :)

party at the royal palace

The best "planking" shot from Madrid goes to my mom in Retiro park.
So freaking awesome.

My little brother showing up my lame jump.

Anywho...Incredible city. Lots of weird rice dishes with eyeballs, but delish churros de chocolate, holy crap. Perfect mixture of old world and modern design (nuns carrying H&M bags??). Lots of couples who are one instant casually talking- then totally deep throat tongue kissing- then, just as abruptly as they started, stopping to figure out which metro line to take (which is even less hot than you might be imagining) Lots of street vendors competing for your attention like: chubby gregarious spiderman, zombie clown jumping out of cardboard box and freaky baby whistle blowers...both weird and mesmerizing. Of course this is the city, and in Madrid's defense, every big city has its own brand of wackadoodles.

Annnnd Flamenco! A less cheesy riverdance but with more passion, elegance and drama (with really talented singers that sound a teensie bit like they are taking a painful dump?). Makes you want to stomp your feet and wear skirts with extra material for whipping people in the face...for when you really want to get your point across.

(Catherine Zeta Jones and Ryan Gosslings sassy spanish dopplegangers)

Onward!

trail blazer

2011-06-14T05:49:00.030-07:00

I'm on holiday for two weeks without my kids. and without my lover.

There were too many last minute details to absorb their yummy smells into memory before i left. I hate that. Also i didn't want to be to dramatic, cause I didn't want to upstage my 8 year old daughter. I asked Sonny like a million times why he couldn't just fit into my pocket and come with me, but he just kept watching his "toons" and was all "(yawn) i am bored with this" when i was nuzzling into his neck (he secretly loved it, he just likes to play hard to get).

so where in the world is Carolyn (SanDiego)?

If all goes well i will be posting while i'm gone. But if not (i can't find wi fi) then you'll just have to wait and see...wahhh

But i found a Blazer! (with all your much appreciated help) Then Elyott directed this mini fashion show before i left. Don't i look just like Kristen Wiig....'s chubbier sidekick?

You'll likely be seeing more of blazey in my trip pictures...which by the way is sponsored by my parents. This will quash any rumors that i am full of crap when i talk about my starving student life. Okay so i'm a little full of crap when i say "starving" student. Clearly not starving (or pregnant, i swear ;) Plenty of lady lumps on reserve.

I'll be back before you can say "have a bitchin' summer"

one sweet day.

2011-06-07T23:45:00.003-07:00

After one's initial baby shower, all other subsequent ones are really just a reason for friends to get together with the mother-to-be before she is forced back into lactating hybernation (...or crotch rehab. or sleepless stay-cation. or hormonal prison...whatever you fancy). So last weekend when my sister Lisa was having her "last-girl-time-for-a-long-time-lunch-time" for her 4th baby we, as wise old seasoned mothers, decided it would be at a restaurant. without games. and without our previously fully celebrated kids.

Elyott, being in between the kid age and pre-teen years, was crushed.

So, a couple hours before we had to leave, my mah-dre (pronounced with no accent) and i decided to take her to the nail salon for some cliche 80's movie montage girl time (cue the Cyndi Lauper on your walkman).

Elyott and i waited forever! Do i have a weak chin? Was it the blue collar callouses on my hands? Like dogs and fear, i swear those nail techs knew that I had like seven dollars in my bank account...but those seven dollars were gonna pay for them to paint my daughter's chewed off nails in whatever hooker nail color she wanted gosh darnit! ("i said here's your one chance fancy don't let me dowwwwn") Instead of complaining, and to keep Elyott from playing with the freaky wax display hands, I decided to make a little "mommy daughter time" of my own.

So just for funsies i jacked the cut off plastic tips from my moms acrylics (who by no coincidence does not have a students budget and got in right away. hmmm.) snuck some super glue and applied them shamelessly to elyott's fingernails. We painted them sparkly purple and spent the rest of the time taking pictures of her two finger eye frame posing and pretending to scratch the air with her two inch claws. If they were gonna ignore us then the least they could do was be cool with me using their scraps to play "jersey shore" with my 8 year old. They kinda were. But I'm pretty sure they were talking smack in another language at that really low decibel that only other nail techs and earth worms can detect.

The best part of it all was when the owner guy came over to see if i was "still waiting for my polish" (code for "i can see you using my supplies you free loader") and then sat down at a nearby station to open some drawers and shut them like he was looking for something, I totally heard him softly singing along to the Mariah Carey they had playing in the background (the only american music that truly deserves all the gold and grandeur of a nail salon). To break the ice I playfully let him know that i totally just busted him singing along. He might have liked me a littIe more after that. Or maybe just the opposite? either one.

After that Elyott forgot all about wanting to go to the baby shower and instead was excited to go show everyone her new nails that would completely retard her abilities for the next 45 minutes until she would desperately tear them off. And i was able to go to the baby shower kid free!

Oh and also i figured out why people can tell I am a teensie low budge.

team Boo ♥'s you

my mourning jacket

2011-06-07T13:20:00.063-07:00

First, If you haven't been to see Kristen Wiig's Bridesmaids you need to stop reading...punch yourself in the face, and then get yourself to a theater. It is seriously one of the most endearing and brilliant comedies i've seen in a while. If you live in AZ and you have no friends (probably cause you still haven't seen this movie) hit me up and i will personally drag you there myself.

Second, i need to get me a cropped blazer and fast. Its ubiquitous style proves to be the best thing to chicks with no money since sliced bread. If you've seen this movie you know what i mean. She wears one with nearly every outfit and kills it every time. Let me tell you how totally fun its been to find one that is less than $100 bucks now that its 100+ degrees (I am scrambling to build a compact wardrobe for an upcoming secret trip...more on that later).

Theory has one for $400...bite me. Jcrew has one on SALE for $188 sooooo...that's out. Gap has one for $100...a little warmer but still no go. H&M apparently used to have them...damn you! And DI only had ones that needed to be drastically altered to not make me look like a cast member from Full House, and i don't have those skills or time. The search continues....dun dun dunnn.

leaky pipes

2011-06-06T18:58:00.052-07:00

this is the countdown. My $100 giveaway (hosted by BlogHer) is coming to a close. And all of you who have already entered want me to SHUT-UP about reminding everyone else about entering before its too late. But I can't stop, you see the picture above? Contrary to your first impression, I'm not actually playing with Sonny. In reality i am laughing maniacally at the newfound power i have through this giveaway...I just happen to be holding Sonny. I don't benefit at all for getting more people to enter...it just saves me from feeling like an idiot when only two people play along. So here i am reminding you again like a drip of water on your forehead.

drip drip.

P.S. Holy disconnect from blog land! There are only like 5 of you who still actually read my posts. Have i told you that ADD is my middle name? Literally. (ok not literally, but "figuratively" just doesn't drive it home) Its actually Suzanne. Which also does not support my case. But let me tell you that the internet and ADD is not a pretty combination. Anyway i know i've mentioned it, but here you go again. Maybe it's the ADD talking?! No? that's not a symptom of ADD? ok then, i am just a hopeless story repeater, and giveaway reminder. FACE.

team Boo ♥'s you

movin' on up.

2011-06-01T10:44:00.004-07:00

The other day when i told Sheamus i wanted to "wrap him like a present and gobble him up" he looked at me with one part horror, one part disgust and two parts complete confusion, and it donned on me....he is totally ready for Kindergarten.

Recently Sheamus's preschool teacher (who is fantastic in every way) made a very sweet public comment about mine and Adam's parenting style. Since I know it's not polite to deflect such a compliment, Adam and I just laughed to ourselves at what a good job Sheamus has done making people think his total sweetness has anything to do with us. If he were my first child it would be easy to dupe myself into thinking I was doing everything right (teaching manners, empathy, and good nature). A beacon of patience and wisdom if you will. But in reality, I am just feeling lucky i haven't corrupted him with my tarnished soul.

It has been invaluable having him primarily home with me for the last 5 1/2 years. I'm grateful for his late birthday so i could keep him one year longer (hands rubbing greedily together). But now its time for him to move on from the kung fu grip of this adoring mother. If for nothing else than to escape the possibility of this creepshow life.

Love you face.

team Boo ♥'s you

loved by the sun

2011-05-30T06:30:00.010-07:00

What is the difference between the horn of a unicorn and a lock of Sonny's curly hair?

If you ask Elyott she'd give you an endless array of very logical contrasts. But to me (and i speak for mothers all across the land) there is none. Every mother who is in denial about the ridiculousness of her son's hair has her own breaking point. For me it wasn't the 95% of strangers who ooh and ahh over my "adorable baby girl". People are just idiots (myself included). My moment of clarity came when a nice petite lady at church picked him up and his Willy Wonka fro made him look like a freaky giant Maury Povich baby.

My children have big heads, there is no way around that. But i gotta throw a kid a bone when homeboy starts to dwarf adults.

This kid is pushing 16 months and still doesn't walk or say any words (although i am pretty sure he is fluent in French?). Yet he has a full head of luscious Renesmee hair making it harder and harder to live up to his age (and gender). So I held my breath and decided to give his crazy white boy coif a little snip...and guess what??

...he is still Sonny, his hair is still curly...and and much to my maternal delight the light of the universe was not destroyed.

team Boo ♥'s you

you are my sunshine giveaway...

2011-05-30T00:25:00.000-07:00

Apparently I am the only mother on the planet who has never heard of a frozen cloth to soothe a baby's teething gums. Feel free to let me in on more mothering tips I should know (but don't) over here. You could win $100 bucks!

team Boo ♥'s you

if i had a hammer.

2011-05-23T06:30:00.005-07:00

Most of my projects are done without shoes (and are finished by Adam). There's a really obvious dirty joke in there that i'm much too ladylike to make, but just barely. When i wake up in a project-y mood, i hit the ground running. So unless i sleep in my shoes, i will be barefoot. Plus i live in Arizona so we can do that 75% of the year (but the other 25% of the time they will be sizzled to the bone).

This week i cut and cleared out the negative space underneath the stairs to make a "secret hideout" for my kids slash place where nerdy magicians can sleep. After Adam installed the electrical (cause i don't mess with that crap) I started installing drywall...yes, barefoot. Sheamus hammered everything in sight while Elyott cleared out the screws and old soda cans left by the builders years ago. When my kids asked why there were soda cans in the walls i told them it was because the little mice had a party. Neither of them thought it was cute that i said that. Just scary. So i told them the boring truth...they never get my jokes.

Speaking of my kids thinking i'm annoying, they also don't appreciate when i try to cheer them up by humming (actually "bling-blinging") the sad Charlie Brown tune when they are pouting with their heads hung theatrically low. Or when i start singing a lullaby in my (gorgeous) normal voice, but then my Clarabelle the cow voice takes over and makes every song hilarious for everyone involved (me). But I think they secretly love that one.

Anyway, I am excited to finish the hideout because then Sonny can actually play downstairs again without the risk of him sucking on a nasty old Fanta can. And then i won't keep getting dust in the painful split that has developed in my big toe. I know what you're thinking...I could just start wearing shoes. But much like my immature parenting tactics, you could also ask: where is the entertainment...the STORY...in being so sensible?

That's what i thought.

team Boo ♥'s you

i'll take those odds.

2011-05-22T21:14:00.001-07:00

If you haven't already (and since there are only 12 of you who have entered, that most likely includes you) go check out my $100 Babies R Us giveaway. Unless you don't like free stuff...or babies. Which would both not only be lame, but fundamentally inhuman, no?

team Boo ♥'s you

all day long i'd biddy biddy bum...

2011-05-18T06:00:00.025-07:00

{my kids doing the "free-est" thing there is. yay crayons.}

The following conversations took place in the very same day:

Sheamus: "Mom, can we have a sale?" (a fudge, otter pop, lemmy stand...how he sometimes earns money for a toy he is saving up for)
Me: "sorry charlie, not today."
Sheamus: "awe man, but I just love money money money!"
Me: (break out into muffled radio voice) "the best things in life are free. but you can give them to the birds and bees, i want MONEY. that's what i want."
Sheamus: (total confusion)
...
Elyott: "There is this boy in my class who is in a contest to win like a thousand dollars. If he wins, then ALL the pretty girls will like him!"

Me: (speechless)

There appears to be a very delicate line between trying hard to make sure my kids realize the value of money and making them straight up obsessed with it. I try to make sure that going to a store does not always end with a toy. Or that as a family we have to wait for special occasions to be "fancy" (for instance, buying drinks with our drive through order) One time while at our friend's house (a fancy friend's house) they ordered a pizza and had it delivered. Elyott's jaw just about hit the floor.

Now I know there is a natural correlation that can be drawn at a very young age that money = entertainment, stuff and convenience. But screw you reality TV (and the music industry) for making it so obvious to my second grader that even the jankiest of wealthy men have flocks of beautiful woman vying for their affections. It's a disgrace i tell you!

...you see Elyott, regardless of how much a man can earn...ugly girls like money too.

team Boo ♥'s you

please don't take my sunshine away.

2011-05-16T09:00:00.006-07:00

Sonny grew some teeth!

...and he told* me to tell you it sucked.

For a chance to win a $100 Babies R Us gift card from BlogHer, go here and leave a comment for my question for you on teething.

...then read about how teamBoo made it through!

team Boo ♥'s you

*via head butt to my chin.

dirty deeds act one: demolition

2011-05-11T06:05:00.004-07:00

When i was little we had a "playhouse" in our side yard. It was a bare bones shed with no drywall or insulation that housed our barbie "mansion" (old changing table) and all other dolls too ugly to be in the house (more Detroit than Malibu Barbie). One day i decided to make a change. With my eight year old resources, i set to work...

Crayons.

That was my genius plan. I started before i thought it through (of course) and i finished the diagonal purple and green stripes (a color scheme that my even my young mind realized were similar to the "Joker" colors and hated immediately) on about 1/10th of the wall before i quit. It stayed that way until the day we moved 4 years later.

On Monday when i asked Adam when we could start on the basement renovations he said "in the next few weeks." Does he even know me at all?? Once he left for school I went downstairs to assess the situation. About 10 minutes later i was knocking out walls with a hack saw and my bare feet. But not before i handed Elyott my cell phone to call 911 just incase i electrocuted myself (the "genius" element of my grownup story. nice mother.) Sheamus jumped around my reckless abandon shouting awesome one liners like: "mom! i am SO impressed!" and "wow, you are wild!" or my fave "you are such a good PERSON!!" (I love when kids lack the vocabulary to express themselves like a regular boring adult...or "humans" as Sheamus would call them.)

Anyway my point is, what turned out as a totally impulsive remodel, unlike my failed childhood attempts...I finished! And by "remodel" i mean the smashing of things like a crazy person, and by "finished" i mean there aren't any half standing walls or rusty nails left on the playroom floor. My bruised heels are proof that ain't no contest loss that can take this odd jobs down.

Total butch-style demolition: check.

team Boo ♥'s you

imamomma.

2011-05-08T21:28:00.000-07:00

Imagine while you look at these pictures my kids whining the whole time:

"this huuuurts!"

"my legs are tired!!"

"the sun is so bright!" (we were standing in the shade)

"stop saying Sonny's name daddy!"

That pretty much summed up how awesome they acted all day.

In your faces though children because I choose to take this as a compliment.

Why you ask?

Because now i know that you know that since i am such a beacon of patience and understanding of your age appropriate selfishness....you didn't even get punched one time :)

team Boo ♥'s you

dirty bit.

2011-05-04T05:50:00.005-07:00

Sometimes i am inspired to blog based on a song. In the summer time i morph into a twangy idiot so...you have something to look forward to there. Yesterday while Elyott was in the shower and Sheamus in the adjacent bath, much to my delight i overheard this glorious conversation:

Elyott: "Sheamus listen to this song i made up....(to the tune of Dirty Dancing's 'I've had the time of my life')....Ching. Chong. Ping ling ching wing woooong. ching chang pang ti tang ting ling ling looong...."

Sheamus: "whoa, i didn't know you knew Chinese!?"

Thank you Will-I-am for getting my kids up to speed.

So...what are you listening to? I need some inspiration! I am drawn to female lead singers (a little electronic feel is a bonus). I love music. too bad my "mom bones" have eroded my dance moves. You know when they say if you make a stupid face and someone pats you on the back it will stick like that? Well, the same goes for dancing. If you "joke dance" long enough and then birth a child, your skills freeze in time and suddenly you can only think of two moves ever and when you do them you look like you are having a (sexy) seizure.

team Boo ♥'s you

clap your hands and say yeah.

2011-05-02T05:35:00.002-07:00

{via glo}

It is time to vote friends!

If you want to see teamBoo's basement "epically made over" head over here to vote for us! We are number 34 (look for our family pic) and you can vote once per IP address. Go now because voting ends tuesday and if your anything like me the second you leave here that sneaky internet will wave something else shiny in your face and you'll forget.

Why should you vote for us?? Besides the basement party that you will all be invited to? and our serious lack of fundage? Because otherwise i will start the project and then get seriously sidetracked by something really dumb and impulsive like cleaning out all my window wells with a steam cleaner and then Adam will make fun of me for the janky half finished playroom. Like last week, i started taking out the cabinets in the bar area. But i'm such a spaz cause i never want to prep stuff before i start. So instead of taking all the stuff out or moving the millions of giant tripping hazard toys out of my way, i just got the drill and started taking out screws. Then once i realized the shelf weighed like 600 pounds and i didn't have the right drill bits, i lost steam and waited until someone more focused (adam) could help me a couple days later :)

I'm like that "if you give a mouse a cookie" book personified (only i'm more like the "pig a pancake" one?)

So if we don't win, it will be still be made over...but not EPICALLY. And "epically" is the operative word for this transition to not drag out for the next 2 1/2 years*. GO now! and thank you kindly.

team Boo ♥'s you

dirty deeds and they're done dirt cheap.

2011-04-22T10:35:00.011-07:00

{via minor details}

Since 100+ temps are just around the corner, I am gearing up for a basement makeover. That way my kids and i will have a place to play that doesn't look like toy purgatory. A place misguided and underutilized. My problem? I have no money. like NONE. I can work miracles with budget design, but unfortunately my house is the red headed step child of my life and is always second fiddle to my creative endeavors.

So this is where i shamelessly beg for the help of my empathetic demographic (that's you): Mandi at vintage revivals is hosting an "epic makeover" to one lucky reader (me?) where she will personally come and help revamp a space that needs some serious direction (my basement!). Plus Mandi, if you're out there, kid spaces are so fun because anything goes since kids ~~can't stop you~~ aren't...picky (horse mobiles, the color orange, ridiculous murals, disco balls...circus freaks!?) the weirder the better.

So whether i am chosen or not, i will sell lemonade, donate plasma, tap dance on the street corner...whatever it takes to earn the cash to spruce it up a bit. It is our only survival plan for the summer months. I will chart my progress here, and then at the end we can have a big AZ-onian blog playdate at my house! Cause there "ain't no party like a Liz Lemon party cause a Liz Lemon party is MANDATORY" (i've had that stuck in my head for like three days now)

here is my very sad before (p.s. we've lived here six years and it still looks like an taupe box where fun goes to die):

The sky is the limit! (actually $$ is the limit...but you know what i mean) I'll let you know when the voting starts...

team Boo ♥'s you

yes i love technology, but not as much as you you see, but still i love technology

2011-04-21T13:59:00.003-07:00

Holy smokes guys...this is me finally giving into the talking pig head that is my blog. Who knows, maybe you appreciated the break from my corny jokes...but still, it wasn't nice of me to peace out so long.

But i can't come back with nothing to show for my hiatus. And what better re-entry into your lives than a dancing clone trooper?? (inspired by adams recent discovery of it's ability to gracefully point it's toes):

Speaking of wasting time on my computer...here is the bonus part you are allowed to read only if you promise to do so alternating my imaginary voice with Gollum's voice while looking into a handheld mirror....

I've been torn. I've been thinking a lot about my life with (and without) the internet, and its role in my ADD (functional retardation?). I often feel it tricks me into making a thousand lists of images and articles that i can apply to my life, but then takes all my spare time to actually apply any of them. I am a terrible planner. TERRIBLE. Technology makes becoming a more focused person problematic as every idea can be explored the second it pops into my head. And for a creative person, well...that's like an informal sentence to looney bin. I suppose in the end it does more good inspiring me than it does fogging my mind, for it's truly a wealth of resource. I just need to dunk my head into a cold bucket of water and get ahold of my priorities. Then, and only then, will I be able to make dancing action figures without distraction. Baby steps to recovery.

I am teamBoo...and i am a pretend project-aholic.

team Boo ♥'s you

Stopping to smell the...spit up?

2011-04-14T00:44:00.002-07:00

I'd like to say all this time I've been ignoring you is from all the really cool synchronized family dances we've been practicing that i would unveil in a classic footloose style video montage complete with overalls and school bleachers...but I never cease to disappoint my friends, and have merely been babysitting every kid within a five mile radius for the last two weeks ("if you've made Mac n cheese for the last 17 meals...they will come"). No good stories besides my recent stretch pants to jeans ratio. And since I hate forcing a story I will spare you my mysterious theories as to why, if i've only been feeding babies and making PB&Js, did I wake up this morning with sore muscles??

Soon my friends. Soon.

everything i need to know i learned from water babies...

2011-04-11T06:00:00.007-07:00

rifle paper co.

It's been a little while since we've gone through teamBoo high/lows. So since we are SO interesting...lets recap the last month for us, shall we?

-After weeks and countless hours of Helen Keller style training (where we put food in his hand, he avoids guided hand to his mouth like it is a steaming handful of poop) Sonny finally gave up the hungry baby bird act and put a piece of food in his own mouth!! = High Cockalorum!

-I thought i'd give my tailbone a break and buy an exercise ball for my long stints at my desk. But what is a giant rubber ball at a desk in the kitchen if not a giant wrecking object for my children to terrorize me with while i make food or try to clean in peace? Despite my constant threats of sitting sidesaddle on their backs (while the other fed me grapes?) if my ball chair wasn't there when i needed it, those little turds still managed to poke a hole in it and then nonchalantly place it back under my desk (tip of shoes tracing invisible circles on the ground "a hole you say?"). I half way read the directions of the inner tube repair kit (how hard can it be?) and my kids think they've dodged a bullet. Ten minutes later as i click away on my keyboard...BOOM! The ball explodes. And i am on my back on the cold tile faster than you can say "Child Protective Services". But how could i do anything but laugh? That's funny. Pathetic...but funny. I predict that story will go down in the books without the pre-hole disclaimer, but rather simply as "that time when mom was such a fat idiot that she sat on the seemingly indestructible exercise ball and completely smashed it to smitherines" = High, cause it's funny. Low cause i'm back to sitting on a hard chair :/

-Sheamus learned how to ride a two wheeler. But only after he and i got tangled up after a rogue wheel overcorrection and both came crashing spastically to the pavement (right in front of the only house on our street that has video surveillance cameras mind you)

-Sheamus swinging open the giant handicap accessible door that faces the dressing room entrance at Target while i am completely topless. yowza.

-a drizzly and saturday brunch where we ate bacon, listened to the sound of rain through the screen door, a little Billie Holiday on pandora and nobody tried to sabotage my fantasy by leaving the breakfast table so many times that i "jokingly" secured her in her seat with a tie chair. Nobody :) (A perfect sendoff to the nice AZ weather before it melts our faces.)

Hooray for kids that make life so entertaining...and a mother who has no shame! (since i am usually the butt of the joke ;)

"Hey hey hey, we're on our way...."

team Boo ♥'s you

april FOOL

2011-04-06T21:18:00.002-07:00

Elyott came up with the brilliant idea to throw an April fools day party.

Her idea was Wednesday.

The party was to be Friday :/

last minute supplies:

1. silly props

2. fake sushi

3. poop dessert

2 days, 10 kids, negative $ budget to spend coupled with her worthless attention span (which she gets from her mother) equals the joke was actually on me. There i was, all day before the party started hanging streamers, piping out fake piles of poop (brownies) and stuffing balloons with confetti all for a bunch of crazy kids who think parties grow on trees. TREES!!

They ate pizza, they karate kicked each other on the trampoline, they told Jokes, they watched Yogi Bear. It turned out to be fun (ish). But that depends on who you ask. The kids with bellies full of fake food, or the mom who is one impromptu idea by Elyott away from banning children from my house forever! April Fools indeed sucker (me).

Thanks Elyott for being so enthusiastic, even if you suck at follow through, and thank you pregnant sister for helping me pull it off :)

team Boo ♥'s you

dirty little secret

2011-04-05T23:05:00.001-07:00

You know all those posts going around where people post the quirky contents of their purse...They'll have a pack of life savers, some cherry lip balm, a cell phone and something super random but still cute like a plastic farm animal, all displayed neatly on a vintage piece of fabric? Well last night i realized my (very small) purse was looking more like a rodent's nest than a place i put my keys and wallet and an occasional spare diaper. This is what mine looked like last night freshly dumped....

I'm like a trash Macgyver! Only...i don't know how to make anything useful out of paper except those four square origami things (that look like beaks) that entertain kids during church. And i don't have my own hit television series, or an awesome fishing vest...or a mullet. Also i don't know how to diffuse bombs. Maybe i'm nothing like Macgyver, just a trash toting slob (opposite of Macgyver?)

What does your purse say about you? Mine says i could probably take back every item i've purchased within the last six months with ease...and I live like a hobo.

team Boo ♥'s you

Conway Twitty sees the light

2011-03-30T12:05:00.002-07:00

I like to use the classic "three strikes you're out" policy when it comes to mass email forwarding...

-The first time, assuming the "10 ways to recycle old pantyhose" was merely a knee jerk reaction to watching Inconvenient Truth amidst a dry spell in their Netficks queue, they get the benefit of the doubt.

-The second one you cock your head to the side, erase without opening, and go back to eating your cereal hoping that they just forgot they had already used their "freebie".

-The third is like the sick feeling you get when your friend starts a sentence with "believe me I totally get how annoying those multilevel marketing people are, but there's this opportunity..."

And that's the deal breaker my friends.

Unless, of course, you are my mother-in-law.

...In which case no matter how many home remedies, kittens doing the "darndest things", and musical friendship video clips she sends your way...she is exempt from getting 86ed off the ole contact list. Plus she's sweet. and also she birthed and raised the love of your life...so she could probably shave the magical healing locks of Sonny's hair and i'd have to love her anyway.

Yesterday i received a gem that cannot go unshared (to ensure you are picking up what I'm puttin' down). In sweet pure hearted Jeanine fashion, the disclaimer at the top read "This is truly beautiful! Turn the volume up..."

And before you go thinking what an unbelievable douche i am for mocking a Jesus montage, please know: i did what i was told and turned the volume up...and therefore couldn't help but notice the awesome cowboy giving his two cents in the background. Ready set go...

....

Do i have the blackest heart of all time?...or are you laughing too? I love Jesus. I do! But here at team Boo nothing is safe from a good laugh, not even my own children. Oh who am i kidding...especially not my own children! And much to Sheamus's sweet five year old dismay, some things he's said recently are just too cute NOT to laugh...

"Mom...How will i ever get big if i don't like gross food?"

"Elyott, if i were a binky...would you suck on me?"

"Elyott are you sure you want to go to the gym?...cause you might have to poop at the gym."

Recap: Jesus. Sheamus. Two of the purest people i can think of. Still funny when you add twangy one liners, or (legit) warnings about pooping in public.

team Boo ♥'s you

**Attention team boo enthusiasts**
re-blog this post and tell me about it right here! Through a series of featured posts (this being the third) over the next couple weeks you will have a chance to win a very exclusive (but still very secret) custom team boo gift! No it wasn't be made by me...pshew!! but it is adorable!

my stretch marks say i have no business wearing a two piece.

2011-03-29T07:12:00.004-07:00

(urban outfitters)

and the winner is....

(anthropologie)

I know you are all gonna check the reference and roll your eyes at another blogger who acts like dropping 170 bucks on a swimsuit is no big thang...but if i add in my birthday gift card (thanks dad) and divide the rest out over all the years that i could have been buying a new suit but was still wearing my "tankini" from 1998 (back when tankinis were cool)...it comes out to about 9 dollars. And it was worth every penny! (if you still wear a tankini, i'll still think your cool. especially if you're wearing it right now)

team Boo ♥'s you

p.s. we still sleep on a mattress on the floor, but at least i won't have disintegrated elastic (aka. see through) beach wear.

p.p.s. yes that is me in the picture. did i mention the suit has magical powers?

p.p.p.s. today i had to answer my door with sonny's throw up on my shirt, so i earned it anyway.

she's not...too sexy for your shirt

2011-03-28T10:17:00.004-07:00

It never used to occur to me that thrift stores were for anything else but finding sweet second hand furniture, books, knick knacks or fabric. But in the last few years i have come to learn that if you have daughters that need new clothes (and your husband is a full time student)...hit up your local Savers (i specify savers cause they are much more organized than other thrift stores and also Good Will ~~is the thrift Devil~~ is overpriced and cluttered. Last week Elyott and I scoured through its filmy racks like it was no body's business. I think since little girls usually have so many clothes and they grow faster than they can make them disgusting, we always hit the jackpot. However don't waste your time looking for your 3-8 year old son...unless you like faded pokemon halftops.

Since Elyott is a blogger now (private), and a girl, the only logical thing she could think to do next was a fashion show, duh. Here's a little nugget of her adorableness:

"Welcome to Elyott's thrift store girls fashion show!

Today i went to Savers with my Mom and i felt very grown up because there were some baskets that had wheels on the bottom and they had a handle like a small cart. So...I got to pick my own clothes and i tried on pretty much a million things!"

Take your daughters! Make it a date (with some hand sanitizer of course and the promise of ice cream, since it's kind of a weird/disgusting date). It is always a confidence booster for girls to get new clothes. And don't be scared because, while they are in the dressing room trying stuff on, you can slowly swap out the various (nasty) pink leopard jumpers or puffy sleeved silk and toile bridesmaid dresses (of which she has inevitably filled her cart) with the items that won't make her throw up when she looks back at her childhood photos :)

team Boo ♥'s you

p.s. if you've ever had a "team Boo dream" (as a few of you have expressed) don't feel dumb....last night i had a dream that i was Justin Bieber's bodyguard slash (non-romantic) date for his high school prom. shame.

The final "Don't be a drag just be a queen"

2011-03-24T06:15:00.005-07:00

Last week I watched my niece and nephew (5 mo. and 2 yrs) along with my three kids. It was just after i got the two year old off the counter, right about the time the 5 month old was screaming his face off (as Elyott made him a bottle and i changed his bum) i turned to find the 2 year old flipping dirt out from my (only surviving) potted cactus...with diarrhea spilling out her diaper...holding a knife! I couldn't help but laugh at how ridiculous the threshold of looking after little ones can be. It happens to the best of us. Just when you think a moment with children is totally out of control, without fail, the universe will play the diaper explosion or emergency room card (or both). NOT awesome.

But then, when all is calm, the clouds part and the angels are singing. And you did it! You have poop on your foot...but you're ALIVE! and so are the children!!

So now is where you ask: "Why the crap would i sign up for something so insane that i'd give my right arm for one moment of reprieve?...I'll keep my awesome life I have now, thank you very much!"

But here's the kicker: Truly the things in life we work the hardest for are always what we value most...and to me, being a mom is the most tiring thing i will ever endure! Good and bad, nothing feels more divinely intended as motherhood does (even if it feels like a sick joke at times). It rocks your world, it gives life richness, it scares you, it cracks you up (sometimes cause it's funny and other times cause it's nuts), it satisfies way down to your bones, it scrambles your brain, it makes a mockery of your hygienic standards, it fills your heart like nothing else can, it is the best gift i can ever imagine.

(also by a couple months in you'll probably get used to all the poop and throw up ;)

Throughout my 8 years of motherhood I have discovered both the best and the worst facets of "myself." I, like most of us, fall somewhere in the middle of two extremes: "the mom who lives to be one" and the "ones who should be manditorally sterilized". However trite, it does go by fast...but I take comfort in the fact that somehow I feel like I've had my kids forever (like my arm or my eyeballs) They are the part of me that I will forever (no matter what) be unabashedly proud of, unconditionally invested in and totally in love with.

Often times we hit rough patches. We all do. Sometimes those "patches" feel more like never ending roads that frigging suck, and that motherhood is to blame. Please remember: depression/anxiety does not discriminate. You just happen to be a mom. Life in general gets more complex and more difficult to manage the deeper we climb into adulthood. If you aren't digging being a mom at this hugely transitional point in your life, big deal. If i've said it once I've said it a million times: kids are turds. But they can be lovely and endearing company too (like funny/innocent adults...with way shorter arms. who don't wipe very good.)

And please for the love of emotional eaters all over the world, let's all stop comparing ourselves to this mothering standard! With our negative inner dialogue, she often rears her ugly (but really stylish and smiley) head as we scour the blog world. It is a self imposed and complete fictional character. You have strengths that will carve out your own mothering niche. First be totally honest with yourself, then cut yourself a little more slack! Motherhood has so many variables, so there really is no magic formula that will ever prepare you for it. Making goals gives you direction, but clear your mind of expectation. Just like the rest of life, it rarely goes as planned.

I have had so much fun in this Project Boo: Don't be a Drag, Just be a Queen series. It is overwhelming to think of how many of you out there that i truly admire for your positive mothering energy, and could have written something equally as inspiring as Renee, Abby, Stacie, Cara or Kelly. SO MANY! This series literally could go on forever! (but then i fear most of you would eventually want to scratch your patronized eyes out) Thanks to these awesome blog friends of mine for being my internet "trophy wives," if you will. As for the rest of you...I'll hit you up for my next "Project Boo" ;)

In conclusion: Be a mom! or don't. At least let a mother in your life know how much you appreciate their efforts. It's the small things we accept as payment. And if you're a mom now (or even if you're not) just in case no one has told you yet today....you rock ;)

team Boo ♥'s you
(and thanks Kelli for your sweet invitation to share my thoughts with your friends)

don't be a Drag, just be a Queen: Renee

2011-03-23T06:00:00.012-07:00

Queen #6: Renee

Renee is one of those ladies that you wish you could find a hidden USB port into their brain and download as much awesome material as you can. A good way I gauge my love of someones blog, is how often I feel the need to read it out loud to Adam. Her mutant comedic superpowers and loveable dorkiness make her clever blog posts some of the most treasured golden nuggets of my weekly reading (and Adam's listening). Janeane Garafalo meets Tina Fey if you will. Despite the fact that she's certifiably blind (not crazy eyeballs blind, but rather owns-walking-stick-to-avoid-falling-down-flights-of-stairs-blind) Renee always sees the rawest forms of what makes motherhood so irreverent and yet ironically edifying. She has been here before and she will most likely be here again because she is hilarious and sweet...and she absolutely rocks. Enjoy her "drag free" take on motherhood with me:

"I just read about a study that says that adults without children are happier than adults with children. Something to do with how Americans have kids later in life than we used to, and how kids no longer plow the family fields, so instead of being commodities, they just sort of drain our resources and leave Otter Pop wrappers everywhere, and make us all Walking Sad-Faces with yogurt on our pants.

WHAT?!??

My kids are not easy, by any means. Harrison nearly broke his neck racing down a hill on his trike a couple of days ago, and Lennon recently told her first grade teacher that there are two kinds of periods: One you put at the end of a sentence and the other... well, you know... They do stuff that makes me wince, and cry, and constantly question myself (seriously, how does she know about periods??)

...But I am definitely happy. My kids give me a reason to celebrate just about every day. If it's not Christmas, Mardi Gras, or National Ice Cream Day, maybe it's the day they lost their first tooth, or the day they learned how to pour their own bowl of cereal. Sure, I could celebrate these days on my own, without kids, but there's just something to be said for sharing the Magic of the simple joys with people you love.

And then there's the Magic they bring. My kids are kind to animals, and have incredible empathy. My son is quiet, but he is so expressive, and I am so impressed with his humor and determination. My daughter finds ways to show her love in even the smallest of opportunities. She sees beauty all around her, and she tells wonderful stories. They are gorgeous, and goofy, and their laughter is effortless and pure.

Now, the last thing I want to be is one of those parents who thinks their kid is the Greatest Thing Ever, and feels that Parenthood Is More Important Than Anything You Ever Did. But there's another end to that extreme, and I'm just not cool with denying that it makes me happy to be a mom, even if that is the trend these days. I don't feel like I'm inflating the experience, in order to justify the expense, as leading psychologists suggest. I just really like my kids, and I've spent enough time with them to know they are worth it.

I think this is why I love reading the blogs out there that do this right. When you love your kids, we all see it. But when you really, really enjoy their company, we all feel it too. When I read a blog post, I'm looking for reality, but I'm also looking for the love.. So I'm challenging myself, and you too, if you're on board, to express kind words about your kids today, if you haven't done it already, or if it's been a while.. Blog posts about broken macbooks and snotty noses have their place (see, my blog in a couple of days), but today, it's about love.

Let me know if you're in. Let's make the Studies and Leading Psychologists look like the WalkingSadFaceYogurtPants for once."

- Renee

team Boo ♥'s you

Don't be a drag, just be a Queen: Abby

2011-03-21T06:30:00.009-07:00

Queen #5: Abby

I don't know how i first came across Abby's blog, but i do know that it was her calm wit and simple charm that drew me in. A "delightful" combo of a romantic heart, girl next door appeal and endearing delivery of thought. One thing that truly stands out with Abby is how approachable and humble she is. The more i read the more i love her perspective on life. It would be easy to simply admire the cover of her life's book: she's beautiful and stylish, her husband is sensitive and handsome, two cute kids and bunch of great pictures of family and island adventures to show for it. But there isn't an ounce of pretentiousness about her and that is what crowns her as my latest drag free Queen. Her story about motherhood is a perfect example of her humility:

"We spent the first half of 2010 living in the West Indies. In other words, a really really really small island in the Caribbean. Sounds like a dream right? My husband was in medical school and he generally left the house before our two kids woke up and returned long after they were asleep. The school provided transportation for students and I can still hear the HOOOOONK of the taxi bus as it roared down the tiny street to our house at 7 each morning. It meant that I was a single mother for the day. A single mother without a car and without a clue. Thinking about the honk of that bus still gives me a little stomachache.

I spent a lot of time hand washing dishes while staring out the window at cruise ships, hanging laundry on the clothesline, and sweeping great masses of ants out the door. (The ants were out to get me.) My kids watched many a classic cartoon on the only kids channel we had. I can still hear the theme jingle for that channel in my mind. It also gives me a little stomachache. A girl can only take so much Scooby Doo.

During this time my husband was incredibly stressed with school. This made me incredibly stressed. This made my 4- and 2-year-old incredibly stressed. My son started peeing his pants and the bed. He'd also raid the refrigerator every two minutes. It became this power struggle between us. I'd often sob in front of him after he'd wet his pants for the second time that day, or when he'd demand we "go back to the United States." We'd go to the grocery store in a taxi and the kids would beg for sugary cereals that cost the equivalent of $10 US, or or a jug of juice that was $7 (and, oh-by-the-way, totally expired.) They'd throw fits when they didn't get them. Oh man, it was ugly at times. I truly would have staked my life on the fact that I would never miss this time in our lives. And I really began to hate myself as a mother. Cue the stomachache.

The second half of 2010 found us back home again. My husband and I had weighed our options when the semester had ended and found through prayer and many, many tears (surely the Caribbean's salty waters rose a few inches that spring) that going home would be a good idea. It has been. There's pain and embarrassment in letting go of some dreams and admitting a sort of failure, but now I have such a different perspective on those five months. I think about the many sweltering afternoons at the breathtaking beaches, teaching Sunday School to the children at church and joining our voices with theirs in song, picking the most delicious ripe mangoes straight from the trees, proudly figuring out how to handle the many roundabouts while driving on the left. My parents came to visit and we packed that week full of every adventure we could- hiking the volcano, riding the sugar train, ferrying to a nearby island, and visiting the 400-year-old British fortress. Really wonderful times. And there's not a day goes by that I don't think of the wonderful friends we made there. Some were temporary visitors like us and some will never set foot off that little land. I cherish them all so dearly. I also surprisingly (to me) cherish the horrible days because it means I survived them and left a different person. Out of a lot a pain mixed with some joy, out of a really difficult experience, came a treasure.

My kids still throw fits at the grocery store. I still sometimes cry in front of them when I'm having a bad day. Instead of ants, I battle with the bone-chilling cold and snow of January, February, and March. (Those months are so out to get me.) In other words, life is still hard! Even on the mainland! Even when I get to see my husband for more than an hour a day! And the common thread is motherhood. Being a mother is so hard. So hard! Some days there is really no difference between "stuck on an island" and "stuck with two crying kids." It can be a remarkably similar feeling. But I know some day I'll see these young mother days as really beautiful. From "our really expensive Caribbean vacation" I learned that most life experiences require some time to mature- to soak, to steep, to marinate- before they become palatable to the soul. I'm busy enjoying everything in my life, especially young motherhood. Before long, it will taste so sweet.

-abby"

thanks abby!

team Boo ♥'s you

2011-03-17T23:46:00.001-07:00

With all team boo silly aside, remember with me the current suffering in sweet Japan.
go here to show some love!
(and if simply asking doesn't make you want to help...maybe this will)

We will be back next week with our final installments of our "Don't be a drag just be a Queen" motherhood series. Until then, have a great weekend smothering your loved ones :)

team Boo ♥'s you

tomato tom-A-to

2011-03-17T08:30:00.001-07:00

a Sheamus-ism for your thursday...

team Boo ♥'s you

the sunshine stand

2011-03-16T21:48:00.005-07:00

{via the sunshine stand}

I am a total freak when it comes to taking over what should be a kid friendly activity. Like when Sheamus was all into the movie Cars, and Adam would make fun of me and say that collecting the figurines was actually my hobby cause i got all excited about finding the "rare" ones at the store. Or when the kids and i played this game. Or when i got busted selling my daughters girls scout cookies at our garage sale (that she was gone for) when one lady was like "um...where's the girl scout?" so i slapped her and told her to get the crap off my property.

So when i got an email from some fellow AZ mothers* who go all out with a tricked out lemonade stand to make their kids spring break memorable (before the summer heat melts our faces off) i've just got to support that jazz. I'm not kidding when i say this lemonade stand is legit (and definitely the cutest i've seen)...they sell lemonade with your choice of fruit syrup: mango, raspberry, or strawberry, assorted candy, they have a blog...and a facebook page! So....If you are in the AZ east valley go check it. So cute.

(*but don't tell my kids or else they will know how lame i am)

team Boo ♥'s you

Don't be a Drag, just be a Queen: Cara

2011-03-16T06:45:00.002-07:00

Queen #4: Cara

Cara is many things. Hilarious, thoughtful, passionate, smart, brave, caring, stylish and creative (to name a few). The thing that always blows my mothering mind is that she does it all as a single mom (seriously, if you have kids...stop to let this sink in. Now repeat after me "we're not worthy...we're not worthy!") If you hadn't heard, single parents are superstars...and she is nailing it (even if she disagrees). She knows the value in truly looking for the positivity around her, and that is what makes her one of the raddest chicks i know, and the most NON-drag queen so far! We can all learn a lot from this girl...love her with me:

"top 10 things i wish someone would have told me upon entering single motherdom:

10. laugh often. watch whatever comedy you can and surround yourself with funny people. in the middle of your child's screaming fit, try to just laugh. this will save you. also, don't underestimate the power of taking a black sharpee to your child's face and drawing a mustache during their meltdowns.

9. know the bus system (if you can't afford a car, or even if you can) memorize the schedules and stop ids. also, know the public transit phone numbers. and be nice to your bus drivers. they remember you and will stop for you when you're running like an idiot to catch the bus.

8. do something where you just sit still for 15 minutes. every day. pray. meditate. do the dishes. read. paint. learn to listen to your breath. if you can master this in 15 minute increments, it will be easier to muster in more chaotic times.

7. children's television programming is your friend. i swore against it early on. and now it's the only way i can get laundry done or a shower in.

6. dating sucks. plan on not doing it all that well for a long while. or at all. your baby is way better anyways.

5. organize. give everything a home. anything to make life less chaotic.

4. plan ahead. as much as possible. and pack accordingly. plan for explosive diapers, hungry children, stranded self, the apocalypse, etc.

3. SNACKS. healthy snacks for you and for child. available all the time. no one gets crankier than a hungry me.

2. take care of yourself. do things for you. on top of eating right, getting exercise, actually getting ready for the day. find ways to sneak in as many quick little happy treats as possible. dine out, hike, travel, LIVE YOUR LIFE.

1. check your pride. accept any kind of help. and thank the heck out of them. (lucky for me, i have a pretty amazing support system)

My challenge to support the single mothers you know in the same ways my friends do:

-offer rides. or your vehicle. though the bus system is awesome here, it can be stressful to take my babe on the bus, especially in the rain...during her nap time.

-babysit. even for an hour. running errands solo is. awe. some. i've had some surprises of people really invested in my child and it means the world. my ex's mother takes the cub overnight nearly every saturday night. this is probably the most amazing gift ever. i can go out or stay in by myself and definitely sleep in. so refueling.

-give her a job. any job. i promise you she needs the money, especially if she isn't getting child support. or marry her.

-gifts. hand me down clothes. money. giftcards. food. meals. a good album or book. a planned event. an adult conversation. cheap rent/a place to live. movie night. big item loans (bike, furniture, etc). hugs. encouraging words. a cup of coffee. your company. silence. an ear. understanding. these are all awesome and thankful for me, i get most of them from my housemates."

team Boo ♥'s you
(and single mothers across the land!)

Don't be a drag, just be a queen: Stacie

2011-03-14T05:30:00.015-07:00

Queen #3: Stacie

It's not every day you meet someone as genuinely cool as Stacie. And if that day happens to be the one where you are a total greasy slob frantically searching for circus cookies and tiny red balloons through the aisles of Target (like i did) then...that means the universe hates your guts. But, much to my delight, she still agreed to represent the "brand new" non-drag queen mommas of the blogosphere right here on team Boo. Even as a self proclaimed "anal retentive", Stacie (momma to "baby V") oozes admirable positive Lorelai and Rory Gilmore-ish mothering energy (minus the strangely fast dialogue and theatrical co-dependency :) So without further ado, here is her two cents on motherhood...

Whenever I'm asked about Motherhood, I always think about the day we brought Ivy home with us. When Ivy was born she was immediately rushed to the NICU to be monitored for the remainder of her hospital stay. There they placed an IV in her head, hooked her up to an EKG, inserted a nasal tube, etc. It was terrifying. However the real terror sunk in when it was time to bring her home. You see, thanks to NICUs protocol, I wasn't allowed to nurse her, change her, or hold her whenever I pleased during the entire hospital stay. When it was finally time to go home I was like, "I seriously have no idea what I'm doing." (direct quote).

I was totally shaking in my boots trying to get her ready to leave. You'd think I was handling a live bomb while strapping her into that car seat. Once we were in the car and driving home (20 miles under the speed limit), I had an overwhelmingly calm feeling that everything was going to be just fine. Sitting in the backseat with her I realized that I was completely smitten with this sweet baby of mine and that it really didn't matter how clueless I was, I was just excited to be her Mother and that's all that mattered.

For me, this has been a total learn-as-you-go experience. I am by no means in the position to give out words of advice, (because let's be real that's like a newlywed handing out marriage advice) but I'm going to anyway: Celebrate Motherhood! It's something to be proud of and it's definitely worthy of a daily celebration. Just to name a few, celebrate the fact that you have created something beautiful, something that you love to pieces, and something that has made you a better person! It's all so exciting and rewarding and I think recognizing it really helps you to be a better Mother... even if you still have no idea what you're doing.

...and if you're not in the mood to celebrate...like for instance if you haven't slept in over 30 hours and you've been wearing the same Yogurtland shirt for over 3+ days (true story) then you should probably just celebrate in a hot shower and a cold diet coke. Either one.

-Stacie

team Boo ♥'s you

never nude.

2011-03-11T16:58:00.004-07:00

I have been trying to be better about hitting up the gym. Sometimes this means I don't make it until the evening when i'd rather be at home with team Boo. But there is a consolation to this, and that is the totally different eye candy there after 5 P.M.

If this isn't a guy after my own heart, i don't know what is...

In a perfect world, we would have locked eyes from across the gym, i would be wearing tearaway running shorts that would reveal my own cutoffs underneath, without a word being spoken we would do a high five that morphed into a foot grab. Only in a perfect world. Unfortunately, i fear it isn't quite ready for that (jelly).

Stay tuned for more drag free queens next week!

team Boo ♥'s you

don't be a drag, just be a queen: Kelly

2011-03-10T14:33:00.004-07:00

"Queen" #2: Kelly

(a story of patience)

Alright this may be narcissism at its finest...me choosing a "favorite" mother of mine who happens to look like me (freckles, bangs, brunette :) As you guys all may have guessed I do enjoy myself a good laugh, and Kelly over at Whoopsy Vaisey is about as entertaining as they come. Get ready...she also births her babies at home AND makes her own baby food! Holy crap, right? But you won't catch her thinking she's a mothering profesh (although she is the queen of word shortening) for she has moments like the rest of us. But instead of begrudging her job as a mother, you'll more likely catch her making silly stories to go along with her crazy daily scenarios and being her own perfect combo of wit and wisdom..and that is why we love her so!

"I could come up with something profound and heartfelt, sincere and sentimental to say about motherhood and it would be easy to do. About how it immensely changed my life and made me want to be a better person (all those things true). But let's face it, most of my days are heavy and thick and full of bodily fluids, whinny voices, sibling WWF, a crying baby and tornado-like atmospheres. On the day to day scale of motherhood I found sometimes my only sanity is to laugh and breathe through it (and take lots of pictures!).

Anyone who claims motherhood is a bon bon-eating errand-running breeze is drinking their bath water, but it has been and continues to be the very best ride of my life." -Kelly

Kelly's 8 step tutorial: What to do if your three year old comes prancing gleefully down the stairs covered head to toe in the entire contents of your makeup bag...

Step 1: Walk quickly out of the room to gather yourself and get a grip on the surge of rage charging through your being (I mean, you knew she was capable of such things, but still, somehow, some way, you find yourself surprised again and again at the catastrophes she masterminds).

Step 2: Come slowly back to the room to hear her say, "Don't I look beautiful, Mom?" At which point your red face slowly turns back to pink and you (might) chuckle at the display before your eyes. It's a sight to see after all: That rose colored bod and those mid 90s Brooke Shields brows.

wow.

(You take pictures because, as mad as you are right now, you're going to want to remember this one.)

Step 3: March her little fanny right upstairs and throw(help) her in the tub.

Fill the bath with less than comfortable waters (because THIS is not a fun bath)and commence scrubbing. At first realization that there is no way this stuff is coming off without a fight, head back downstairs for the grease fighting dish soap that is Dawn Dish Detergent and proceed to scrub. And scrub. And scrub. And scrub.

Step 4: It's out of the tub with her and into a towel, tears and all.

Once again, you pull out the camera to capture the aftermath that is the shame ridden face and the rose-tinted bath waters. You're trying to speak sternly because, this is no joking matter. (If you find yourself feeling very confused emotionally at this step, that's normal. Laughing hysterically, crying, feeling the need to stab yourself in the arm- all acceptable forms of emotion for such an occasion).

Step 5: Dress the offender.

Send her to her quarters with a light spank on the buns and a good talkin' to. (this could be replaced with other things such as: sending to the corner, a slightly harder spank to the bare buns, a toss out the window... whatever you and yours have come up with.)

Step 6: Asses the damage: It's medium to heavy.

Peering meekly into the room in which the crime took place, you behold the destruction: Tubes of oil-based cover-up and foundation coated and squeezed to the last drop, the last of the bronzing beads each broken and embedded strategically into the carpet, mascara carcass lying about with hair entangled in its semi-dried out wand, blush- obliterated (Deep breaths are helpful and may become necessary in step 6).

Step 7: You're almost finished (and so is your precious afternoon).

After closely capturing on film and surveying the damages, you make a list of the new makeup you will be in need of purchasing. Then you take the remains to the sink and commence scrubbing once again. As for the carpet where the dead makeup lay: make a mental note to buy a better stain remover (because chances are, you're going to need it in the future)

Step 8: Retrieve the perpetrator from punishment.

A kiss and a hug and an "I'm sorry" can go a long way. And if you've learned anything here today, it's patience. Patience and love for your little human that is begging (sometimes non-stop) to be disciplined and taught. Give yourself a pat on the back, because you just dealt with one (unscheduled for) doozie of an afternoon.

You survived! (Better yet, she survived and still loves you)

And best of all you learned that you ARE capable of being patient given you've had the right amount of practice. And lets face it, you've had plenty of practice.

That, and you need to find a higher, harder-to-reach spot for your new makeup.

team Boo ♥'s you
(and the Vaisey family)